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Category: Babylon Bee

Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order
Babylon Bee

Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order

FinnApril 20, 2025

JERUSALEM—Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus of Nazareth for violating the Empire’s clear “stay in tomb” order. After crucifying…

St. John Signs Lucrative Nike Endorsement After Beating St. Peter To Tomb
Babylon Bee

St. John Signs Lucrative Nike Endorsement After Beating St. Peter To Tomb

FinnApril 19, 2025

JUDEA — Saint John the Apostle has reportedly signed a lucrative six figure deal with Nike following his win against…

Jackpot: Local Church Has Organ, Hymnals, Male Pastor
Babylon Bee

Jackpot: Local Church Has Organ, Hymnals, Male Pastor

FinnApril 19, 2025

PLANO, TX — After moving to Plano and spending weeks searching for a new church home, Dan and Cyndi Badeen…

Family Arriving For Easter Service Surprised How Different Church Looks Without The Christmas Decorations
Babylon Bee

Family Arriving For Easter Service Surprised How Different Church Looks Without The Christmas Decorations

FinnApril 18, 2025

ATLANTA, GA — As the Glennon family walked into church for Easter service today, they were caught off guard by…

Cain Raises $1,000,000 In Crowdfunding Donations After Killing Abel
Babylon Bee

Cain Raises $1,000,000 In Crowdfunding Donations After Killing Abel

FinnApril 17, 2025

EAST OF EDEN — Public opinion was heavily divided this week after accused murderer Cain raised $1,000,000 in crowdfunding donations…

UK Stabbing Suspect Pleads Muslim
Babylon Bee

UK Stabbing Suspect Pleads Muslim

FinnApril 17, 2025

LONDON — Prosecutors were stopped in their tracks this week and left with no recourse to pursue the case any…

Liberals Warn Enforcing Immigration Law Is A Slippery Slope That May Lead To Enforcing Other Laws
Babylon Bee

Liberals Warn Enforcing Immigration Law Is A Slippery Slope That May Lead To Enforcing Other Laws

FinnApril 17, 2025

U.S. — With politicians and pundits still involved in heated debates over the legality of the deportation of an MS-13…

Catholic Scholars Confirm Purgatory Consists Of Helping Third Graders With Math For Hundreds Of Years
Babylon Bee

Catholic Scholars Confirm Purgatory Consists Of Helping Third Graders With Math For Hundreds Of Years

FinnApril 17, 2025

VATICAN CITY — Distinguished canon law scholars in the Roman Catholic church have just confirmed that Purgatory consists of helping…

Democrats Call For An Individual Court Hearing For Everyone On Earth To Prove They Aren’t American Citizens
Babylon Bee

Democrats Call For An Individual Court Hearing For Everyone On Earth To Prove They Aren’t American Citizens

FinnApril 17, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As controversy swirls over the deportation of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, Democrat politicians have joined together to call…

‘Wheeeeee I’m An Astronaut!’ Exclaims Katy Perry During Ride On Disneyland Astro Orbiter
Babylon Bee

‘Wheeeeee I’m An Astronaut!’ Exclaims Katy Perry During Ride On Disneyland Astro Orbiter

FinnApril 17, 2025

ANAHEIM, CA — Singer and TV personality Katy Perry inspired dozens Thursday after declaring she was an astronaut following a…

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