All Of Man’s Trauma In Adulthood Can Be Traced Back To Watching ‘The Secret Of NIMH’ As A Child
SAN JOSE, CA — After years of therapy, a local man finally achieved a major breakthrough in determining the…
Category: Babylon Bee
Man Struggling To Reconcile Existence Of Loving God With Fact He Never Got To Be Contestant On ‘Legends Of The Hidden Temple’
LEVERETT, MA — A local man suffered a crisis of faith Wednesday after struggling to reconcile his belief in…
Video Review Confirms Soccer Player A Little Wuss
ARLINGTON, TX — After video review, a soccer player has been confirmed to be a total wuss. ARLINGTON, TX…
The Most Common Cause Of Death In Each Of The 50 States
A decades-long study by the CDC concluded that each American state bears its own unique cause of death. A…
Rockies Ask Girl Scout Who Threw Out First Pitch If She Can Go 9 Innings Tonight
DENVER, CO — Struggling to find alternative options on the mound that could potentially give the team a better…
New Yorkers Excited To See How Never-Before-Tried Government Called ‘Socialism’ Turns Out
NEW YORK, NY — Citizens of New York are reportedly excited to see how this brand-new, never-before-tried system of…
In Powerful Act Of Protest, Liberals Begin Adding Algae To Drinking Water
U.S. — In a powerful showing of solidarity with the algae discoloring the newly-renovated Reflecting Pool, liberals across the…
Al-Qaeda Wins New York Primary
NEW YORK, NY — Almost 25 years after it successfully flew two jetliners into the Twin Towers, killing thousands…
To Raise Stakes, U.S. Army Given One Pick In Each Round Of NBA Draft
NEW YORK, NY — Seeking a way to spice things up after decades of the same draft format and…
Israelite Keeping Quiet That He Doesn’t Particularly Care For Milk Or Honey
MOUNT SINAI — In light of continued encouragement that the Israelites would enter a land “flowing with milk and…