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Category: Babylon Bee

Heaven Confirms Prayer Hands Emoji Counts As Actually Praying For Someone
Babylon Bee

Heaven Confirms Prayer Hands Emoji Counts As Actually Praying For Someone

FinnJuly 24, 2026

    HEAVEN — Millions breathed a sigh of relief today as Heavenly sources confirmed that sending a prayer hands emoji…

Old Spice Introduces New Libertarian-Strength Deodorant
Babylon Bee

Old Spice Introduces New Libertarian-Strength Deodorant

FinnJuly 24, 2026

    U.S. — Procter & Gamble announced a new breakthrough in male grooming products on Friday with the introduction of…

Trump Asks Democrats At Correspondents’ Dinner To Hold All Assassination Attempts Until He Finishes Speech
Babylon Bee

Trump Asks Democrats At Correspondents’ Dinner To Hold All Assassination Attempts Until He Finishes Speech

FinnJuly 24, 2026

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to limit interruptions at tonight’s White House Correspondents Dinner, President Donald Trump requested that…

With 45 Days Left Until Labor Day, Wife Unveils Pumpkin Spice Advent Calendar
Babylon Bee

With 45 Days Left Until Labor Day, Wife Unveils Pumpkin Spice Advent Calendar

FinnJuly 24, 2026

    CONCORD, NH — Labor Day, and the symbolic start of pumpkin spice season, is just a short 45 days…

Mamdani Condemns The Rise In Violence Against Jews Since He Declared War On Them
Babylon Bee

Mamdani Condemns The Rise In Violence Against Jews Since He Declared War On Them

FinnJuly 24, 2026

    NEW YORK, NY — After personally declaring war on the Jewish people, Mayor Zohran Mamdani issued a forceful condemnation…

New Yorker Being Stabbed On Street Corner Glad To Know Mamdani Focused On Bringing Netanyahu To Justice
Babylon Bee

New Yorker Being Stabbed On Street Corner Glad To Know Mamdani Focused On Bringing Netanyahu To Justice

FinnJuly 23, 2026

    NEW YORK, NY — As a mugger repeatedly stabbed him on a Manhattan street corner, local resident Ethan Wallace…

OSHA Fines Construction Site For Failure To Blare Mariachi Music
Babylon Bee

OSHA Fines Construction Site For Failure To Blare Mariachi Music

FinnJuly 23, 2026

    LOS ANGELES, CA — A construction site in the downtown area was fined several thousand dollars on Thursday after…

Gen Z’er Worried He May Have Nailed Job Interview
Babylon Bee

Gen Z’er Worried He May Have Nailed Job Interview

FinnJuly 23, 2026

    NORTH HAVEN, CT — A local member of Gen Z reportedly suffered from a major panic attack on Thursday…

WNBA Warns Sophie Cunningham The League Will Fold If Only Women Are Allowed To Play
Babylon Bee

WNBA Warns Sophie Cunningham The League Will Fold If Only Women Are Allowed To Play

FinnJuly 23, 2026

    U.S. — League officials for the WNBA warned Indiana Fever guard Sophie Cunningham that if men were not allowed…

Odysseus Finally Returns Home After 20 Years And Oh No! Penelope Is Out Of Baking Powder And Needs Him To Run Out Again Real Quick
Babylon Bee

Odysseus Finally Returns Home After 20 Years And Oh No! Penelope Is Out Of Baking Powder And Needs Him To Run Out Again Real Quick

FinnJuly 23, 2026

    ITHACA — Upon finally returning home after a desperate 20-year journey, Odysseus was informed by his wife Penelope that…

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