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Category: Elephant Reads CNN

Menendez Bros Still Got That Slammer Swag: Parole Denied LOL
Elephant Reads CNN

Menendez Bros Still Got That Slammer Swag: Parole Denied LOL

Big ElephantAugust 23, 2025August 23, 2025

Looks like those Menendez brothers, famous for their *totally* justified actions against their parents, won’t be getting out of the…

Melania’s back to napping: A CNN political analysis
Elephant Reads CNN

Melania’s back to napping: A CNN political analysis

Big ElephantAugust 23, 2025August 23, 2025

Melania Trump, the unsung hero of Trump’s second term, is secretly pulling the strings while those commie news outlets focus…

JFK’s Camelot: More Like Camel-Not, Am I Right? | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

JFK’s Camelot: More Like Camel-Not, Am I Right? | CNN

Big ElephantAugust 23, 2025August 23, 2025

Oh, the liberal media is at it again, folks! This time they’re waxing poetic about JFK and his “Camelot.” Give…

Army Chopper Does the Unspeakable: Tries to Land (GASP!) Without Asking
Elephant Reads CNN

Army Chopper Does the Unspeakable: Tries to Land (GASP!) Without Asking

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Another day, another near-disaster thanks to liberal incompetence! Apparently, some Army helicopter, probably piloted by a woke gender studies major,…

“From Croquet to Chaos: Bethesda’s Teatime Tranquility Terminated by Bolton’s Bombshell FBI Bash | CNN’s Political Prattle”
Elephant Reads CNN

“From Croquet to Chaos: Bethesda’s Teatime Tranquility Terminated by Bolton’s Bombshell FBI Bash | CNN’s Political Prattle”

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Oh, the drama! The Deep State is at it again, folks! They raided John Bolton’s house! Can you believe it?…

State Department Accidentally Stops Giving Truckers Visas, World Trembles
Elephant Reads CNN

State Department Accidentally Stops Giving Truckers Visas, World Trembles

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and the forces of good! Secretary of State Rubio, a true patriot, is…

FBI Raids Bolton’s House: World Shaken, Hawks Feathered
Elephant Reads CNN

FBI Raids Bolton’s House: World Shaken, Hawks Feathered

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Oh, the Swamp is Getting Drained! The FBI, under the watchful eye of Director Kash Patel, raided Never-Trumper John Bolton’s…

Rubio, bless his heart, reaffirms Trump’s maybe-sort-of-kinda Ukraine promise, but hey, Europe, you got this, right
Elephant Reads CNN

Rubio, bless his heart, reaffirms Trump’s maybe-sort-of-kinda Ukraine promise, but hey, Europe, you got this, right

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Ah, yes, more news about Ukraine and Russia. It seems even after all these years, the liberals can’t get enough…

Alligator Alcatraz: No Newbies Allowed (Says the Judge)
Elephant Reads CNN

Alligator Alcatraz: No Newbies Allowed (Says the Judge)

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Another day, another victory for the radical environmentalists and virtue-signaling Native American tribes! A federal judge, probably appointed by some…

Erik Menendez to Remain Roommates With Iron Bars After Whiny Plea to Leave Slammer Gets Rejected
Elephant Reads CNN

Erik Menendez to Remain Roommates With Iron Bars After Whiny Plea to Leave Slammer Gets Rejected

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Another day, another win for justice! Erik Menendez, the pampered brat who, along with his equally loathsome brother, Lyle, turned…

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