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Category: Breaking

Andy Scott Loses Mind Over Fake Sweet Band Because Legacy Matters
Breaking, Music News

Andy Scott Loses Mind Over Fake Sweet Band Because Legacy Matters

Chord F. DiscordAugust 18, 2026August 19, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Andy Scott, guitarist of the legendary rock band SWEET, has gone on a rant…

Devin Townsend Somehow Manages To Write 100 More Songs Nobody Asked For
Breaking, Music News

Devin Townsend Somehow Manages To Write 100 More Songs Nobody Asked For

Chord F. DiscordAugust 18, 2026August 19, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some exciting news? 🤩 I just can’t even contain my excitement… 😴 Devin…

Rubio Takes Bold Step Against People He Disagrees With
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Rubio Takes Bold Step Against People He Disagrees With

Big ElephantAugust 18, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. US Secretary of State Marco Rubio is going after the International…

Iranians Charged With Hacking Because That’s Just What They Do Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Iranians Charged With Hacking Because That’s Just What They Do Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 18, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The US Justice Department has charged eight Iranians for their alleged…

Pennsylvania Limits Data Centers Because Who Needs Jobs Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pennsylvania Limits Data Centers Because Who Needs Jobs Anyway

Big ElephantAugust 18, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama surrounding data centers, and I have to say, it’s…

Because We Needed Another Fast And Furious Movie Apparently
Breaking, Movie News

Because We Needed Another Fast And Furious Movie Apparently

FinnAugust 18, 2026August 18, 2026

It’s finally happening: the eleventh and supposedly final installment of the Fast & Furious franchise, Fast Forever, is gearing up…

More Sequels and Reboots to Drain Your Soul This Fall
Breaking, Movie News

More Sequels and Reboots to Drain Your Soul This Fall

FinnAugust 18, 2026August 18, 2026

As the summer movie season comes to a close, with its typical array of blockbuster hits and misses, the film…

AI Gets Tougher After Getting Schooled By Hackers
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

AI Gets Tougher After Getting Schooled By Hackers

Big ElephantAugust 18, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about OpenAI’s latest move to beef up its security safeguards, and I have…

Trump Administration Gets to Decide Who Stays and Who Goes Home
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Administration Gets to Decide Who Stays and Who Goes Home

Big ElephantAugust 18, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest court ruling that’s got everyone in a twist. A federal…

Maynard James Keenan Trades Music For Sushi Because Tool Fans Were Getting Too Hangry
Breaking, Music News

Maynard James Keenan Trades Music For Sushi Because Tool Fans Were Getting Too Hangry

Chord F. DiscordAugust 18, 2026August 18, 2026

Hold on to your seats, folks! 🚨 Maynard James Keenan, the legendary frontman of TOOL and A PERFECT CIRCLE, is…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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