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Category: Breaking

Smerconish Talks America’s Birthday with Fetterman and McCormick
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Smerconish Talks America’s Birthday with Fetterman and McCormick

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Pennsylvania Senators John Fetterman and Dave McCormick chatting with Michael Smerconish about…

America: Land of Disappointing Reality Checks Since 1776
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

America: Land of Disappointing Reality Checks Since 1776

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about America’s 250th birthday, and I have to say, it’s quite the celebration.…

CNN somehow not banned from Iran yet covers Khamenei mourning
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN somehow not banned from Iran yet covers Khamenei mourning

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news from Tehran, where Iranians are gathering for the funeral…

Nation Finally Over Quarter Life Crisis
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Nation Finally Over Quarter Life Crisis

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the extreme heat wave in the eastern US, and folks, I almost spilled…

Giant Flag Engulfs Minnesota Town Because Subtlety Is Overrated
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Giant Flag Engulfs Minnesota Town Because Subtlety Is Overrated

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A gigantic American flag, measuring 19 by 36 feet, was discovered…

Trump’s Back Online Because You Demanded It Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Back Online Because You Demanded It Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Trump Accounts, a new federal savings and investment vehicle for…

Britain Finds Out It’s Been Dumped By America Via Messenger
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Britain Finds Out It’s Been Dumped By America Via Messenger

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about the 250th anniversary of America’s independence from Britain, and I’m thinking,…

Man somehow survives being buried alive for over a week miraculously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Man somehow survives being buried alive for over a week miraculously

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and watching the news, and I just can’t believe what I’m seeing. There’s this guy,…

Nation Somehow Manages To Contain Excitement For Soccer
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Nation Somehow Manages To Contain Excitement For Soccer

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

The World Cup has finally arrived in the US, and I’m having a blast reading about it while sipping my…

Shark Apparently Confused New Yorker for Lunch
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Shark Apparently Confused New Yorker for Lunch

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one – a swimmer got bitten on the foot in a suspected…

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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