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Category: Breaking

Because What DC Needs is Another Reboot of Clayface Apparently
Breaking, Movie News

Because What DC Needs is Another Reboot of Clayface Apparently

FinnSeptember 26, 2026September 27, 2026

The DC Universe is only two movies old, and already it’s taking a sharp turn into the depths of its…

Disney+ and Hulu Raise Prices Because Youll Pay Anything Apparently
Breaking, Movie News

Disney+ and Hulu Raise Prices Because Youll Pay Anything Apparently

FinnSeptember 26, 2026September 27, 2026

Just when you thought it was safe to budget your monthly expenses, Disney has announced that it’s raising the prices…

Pittsburgh Home Invasion Takes Deadly Turn For The Worse Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pittsburgh Home Invasion Takes Deadly Turn For The Worse Somehow

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about this horrific crime in Pittsburgh, where a pediatrician, Dr. Idris Evans, was fatally…

GOP Picks Losing Issues Again Somehow Still Surprised
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Picks Losing Issues Again Somehow Still Surprised

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Republican former Florida congressman Matt Gaetz is out here saying that…

China’s AI Sales Pitch Apparently More Convincing Than US
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

China’s AI Sales Pitch Apparently More Convincing Than US

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The US and China are going head-to-head in the AI race,…

Max Miller’s Lawyers Just Can’t Get Enough of Bernie Moreno
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Max Miller’s Lawyers Just Can’t Get Enough of Bernie Moreno

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama involving Rep. Max Miller, and I’ve got to say,…

Supreme Court Throws Midterms a Delicious Curveball
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Supreme Court Throws Midterms a Delicious Curveball

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Supreme Court has made a decision that’s got everyone talking…

Pentagon’s Super Secure Data Gets Hacked Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pentagon’s Super Secure Data Gets Hacked Because Why Not

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a data breach at the Pentagon, and let me tell you, it’s…

CNN gets the cold shoulder from White House press team again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN gets the cold shoulder from White House press team again

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

The White House has decided to bar CNN from flying on Air Force One on Saturday, and I’m just sitting…

Xi Visit Ruined By Trump Being Trump Again Obviously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Xi Visit Ruined By Trump Being Trump Again Obviously

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump spent months plotting ways to impress Xi Jinping,…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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