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Category: Breaking

White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles Diagnosed with Early Stage Breast Cancer, Trump Reveals in Epic Announcement!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles Diagnosed with Early Stage Breast Cancer, Trump Reveals in Epic Announcement!

Big ElephantMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

Breaking News: White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles Diagnosed with Breast Cancer! Well, folks, it seems like even the…

Fuze – Watch Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Theo James and Sam Worthington Attempt to Steal a Plot That’s Barely There in the New Heist Thriller Trailer
London: Where Every Bomb is a Party Invitation!
Breaking, Movie News

Fuze – Watch Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Theo James and Sam Worthington Attempt to Steal a Plot That’s Barely There in the New Heist Thriller Trailer

FinnMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

So, picture this: You’re sipping your tea, minding your own business in London when suddenly—BOOM!—well, not actually BOOM, thank God—but…

Meatpacking Workers Revolt: Cows Win as Humans Take a Break for Once!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Meatpacking Workers Revolt: Cows Win as Humans Take a Break for Once!

Big ElephantMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

Radical Union Thugs Strike Again, Threatening America’s Meat Supply In yet another blatant display of leftist union thuggery, thousands of…

Blood of the Wolf Man – Joshua Williamson and Leomacs Try Not to Get Eaten by Universal’s Latest Monster Mash
Universal Monsters: Blood of the Wolf Man #1 - Because Nothing Says "Fresh Take" Like 1970s Nostalgia
Breaking, Movie News

Blood of the Wolf Man – Joshua Williamson and Leomacs Try Not to Get Eaten by Universal’s Latest Monster Mash

FinnMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

Skybound Entertainment and Image Comics, in partnership with Universal Products & Experiences, today announced Universal Monsters: Blood of the Wolf…

John Krasinski Confirms ‘A Quiet Place 3’ Is Coming Summer 2027: Prepare to Shush in Style Again!
Breaking, Movie News

John Krasinski Confirms ‘A Quiet Place 3’ Is Coming Summer 2027: Prepare to Shush in Style Again!

FinnMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

Oh look, another “A Quiet Place” sequel is coming because apparently, the world just can’t get enough of people tiptoeing…

Israel says brother of Michigan synagogue assailant was Hezbollah commander killed in strike
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Israel says brother of Michigan synagogue assailant was Hezbollah commander killed in strike

Big ElephantMarch 15, 2026March 15, 2026

The MSM Wants You to Ignore the Real Story Behind the Michigan Synagogue Attack So here we go again –…

Booker: ‘The Senate should not be operating as business as usual’ amid Iran war | CNN Politics
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Booker: ‘The Senate should not be operating as business as usual’ amid Iran war | CNN Politics

Big ElephantMarch 15, 2026March 15, 2026

Oh look, Cory Booker is suddenly worried about Congress doing its job – how adorable! The same guy who cheered…

Amb. Mike Waltz: ‘I’ll Let the Big Guy Upstairs Decide When the Fireworks Stop, Don’t Want to Step on His Toes’
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Amb. Mike Waltz: ‘I’ll Let the Big Guy Upstairs Decide When the Fireworks Stop, Don’t Want to Step on His Toes’

Big ElephantMarch 15, 2026March 15, 2026

Breaking: Trump’s Ambassador Waltz Gives Away All Our Secrets to Iran, Claims “Strength” Is Just a Mirage In a shocking…

‘Soul’ Director Claims Streaming Release Was ‘Heartbreaking’—Says He’d Rather Have People Watch It on a 1980s VHS Player While Sitting on a Couch Covered in Cheeto Dust
Breaking, Movie News

‘Soul’ Director Claims Streaming Release Was ‘Heartbreaking’—Says He’d Rather Have People Watch It on a 1980s VHS Player While Sitting on a Couch Covered in Cheeto Dust

FinnMarch 14, 2026March 14, 2026

Oh boy, where do I even begin with this tragic tale of cinematic woe? Pixar’s Soul—a film so profound it…

Disney’s New CEO: Turning Magic into Chaos – A Tour of the Transformed Parks (Now with 50% More Confusion)
Breaking, Movie News

Disney’s New CEO: Turning Magic into Chaos – A Tour of the Transformed Parks (Now with 50% More Confusion)

Big ElephantMarch 14, 2026March 14, 2026

Oh boy, look who’s finally getting a promotion! Josh D’Amaro, the guy who’s been milking Disney’s cash cow for six…

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Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald Trump Taunts Michael Moore as Biggest Loser
  • Meta’s AI Gets Extra Credit for Unauthorized Hacking Project
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald posts on Truth Social August 5 2026
  • The X-Files: I Want to Believe – Because the Original Made So Much Sense Let’s Reboot it with More Unnecessary Scenes and Call it a Director’s Cut Now with Extra Helpings of Fake Science and Overacting – Vrach Frankenshteyn Edition
  • Oh Joy, Brits Get to Finally Witness the Most Blasphemous Film Ever Made in the Comfort of Their Local Cinema with Ken Russell’s The Devils Descending Upon UK Theaters

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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