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Category: Breaking

From Gold Medal to Jail Cell: This Snowboarder’s Wild Ride to the FBI’s Most Wanted List
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

From Gold Medal to Jail Cell: This Snowboarder’s Wild Ride to the FBI’s Most Wanted List

Big ElephantDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

Another snowflake melts into a puddle of liberal tears! Former Olympian Ryan Wedding, who probably voted for Biden, is now…

Netflix’s Epic Fail: Will a Tiny Question Nuke the Warner Bros Deal
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Netflix’s Epic Fail: Will a Tiny Question Nuke the Warner Bros Deal

Big ElephantDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

Netflix, the bastion of woke programming and leftist indoctrination, wants to buy Warner Bros. and HBO for a measly $72…

Dave Mustaine Blames Ex-Megadeth Dude’s Bad Manners For Reunion Fail, World Ends
Breaking, Music News

Dave Mustaine Blames Ex-Megadeth Dude’s Bad Manners For Reunion Fail, World Ends

Chord F. DiscordDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

So, Dave Mustaine, bless his cotton socks, is pondering the END of MEGADETH 🙄. Yes, you heard it right, folks!…

Louisiana Losers Attempt Hilarious Jailbreak, One Still on the Lam LOL
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Louisiana Losers Attempt Hilarious Jailbreak, One Still on the Lam LOL

Big ElephantDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

Another day, another liberal-run jail turns into a revolving door! Seems like in St. Landry Parish, Louisiana, they’re not just…

Native American actress humiliated: ICE mistakes Tribal ID for Monopoly money
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Native American actress humiliated: ICE mistakes Tribal ID for Monopoly money

Big ElephantDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

Another day, another excuse from the liberal elites! Flight canceled? Probably because the woke airline industry is too busy pushing…

Supreme Court Blesses Texas Gerrymandering, Dems Triggered and Own Selves in Cali and Beyond
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Supreme Court Blesses Texas Gerrymandering, Dems Triggered and Own Selves in Cali and Beyond

Big ElephantDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

Another day, another victory for freedom! The Supreme Court, in its infinite wisdom, has given the thumbs up to Texas’s…

Interior Department Swaps MLK Day and Juneteenth for Trump’s B-Day in National Park Free-for-All, Because History
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Interior Department Swaps MLK Day and Juneteenth for Trump’s B-Day in National Park Free-for-All, Because History

Big ElephantDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

Folks, can you believe the liberal media’s spin on President Trump’s brilliant move to honor REAL American heroes and cut…

Tommy Lee Gushes Over John 5: Guitar God or Just Really, Really Flammable
Breaking, Music News

Tommy Lee Gushes Over John 5: Guitar God or Just Really, Really Flammable

Chord F. DiscordDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Tommy Lee, bless his heart, is STILL talking about John 5 joining Mötley Crüe? Like, we GET it,…

‘Star Wars’ Unwatchable Original Cut Resurrected For 50th Anniversary To Torture Fans
Breaking, Movie News

‘Star Wars’ Unwatchable Original Cut Resurrected For 50th Anniversary To Torture Fans

FinnDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

Oh, sweet Galaxy Far, Far Away, it’s been, like, half a freakin’ century since that little indie flick called Star…

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)
Breaking, Music News

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

LIONS AT THE GATE, the supergroup 🙄 featuring ex-ILL NIÑO rejects Cristian Machado (still screaming into the void), Ahrue “Luster”…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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