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Category: Breaking

Japan Gets Unwanted Shake Upgrade: Mother Nature Drops Surprise 7.6 Patch Update
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Japan Gets Unwanted Shake Upgrade: Mother Nature Drops Surprise 7.6 Patch Update

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

While a real 7.6 magnitude earthquake shook Japan’s northeastern coast, CNN rushed in with its own aftershock: a hysterical tremor…

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Big Tech has finally invented the perfect device for people who think walking into traffic while staring at their phones…

SKILLET’s John Cooper Claims Bedroom Conversion at Age Five: Tiny Human, Huge Decision
Breaking, Music News

SKILLET’s John Cooper Claims Bedroom Conversion at Age Five: Tiny Human, Huge Decision

Chord F. DiscordDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

In the latest earth-shattering episode of the See The King podcast (sponsored by holy water and gluten-free communion wafers), host…

Oops! CNN Says Trump Got a ‘Peace Prize’ and Someone Double-Tapped a Boat (LOL)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Oops! CNN Says Trump Got a ‘Peace Prize’ and Someone Double-Tapped a Boat (LOL)

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Another week, another deep dive into the swamp! Kaitlan Collins at CNN tries to spin the truth again, but we…

18-Year-Old High School “Senior” Turns Subway Car into BBQ Pit, Charged with Arson, Passengers Complained About Lack of Marinade
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

18-Year-Old High School “Senior” Turns Subway Car into BBQ Pit, Charged with Arson, Passengers Complained About Lack of Marinade

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Another day, another unhinged leftist running amok in our once-great cities! They are destroying America, one subway arson at a…

Epstein’s Grand Jury Files: Prepare for Disappointment
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Epstein’s Grand Jury Files: Prepare for Disappointment

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Oh, the swamp is getting murkier, folks! Finally, we might see some big names dragged through the Epstein muck. You…

THE DARKNESS Ruins Christmas 2025 With ‘Mistletoe And Wine’
Breaking, Music News

THE DARKNESS Ruins Christmas 2025 With ‘Mistletoe And Wine’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

British rockers THE DARKNESS, bless their hearts, have decided to unleash their new single, “Mistletoe And Wine”, upon the unsuspecting…

Stryper’s Christmas Album: Prepare for a Yellow and Black Attack on Your Holiday Cheer
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Stryper’s Christmas Album: Prepare for a Yellow and Black Attack on Your Holiday Cheer

Big ElephantDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

Oh, great, CNN is peddling Stryper’s Christmas album. As if we need more leftist Hollywood elites trying to force their…

Smerconish Demands 100% Transparency on Totally Real US Strikes on Super-Duper Evil Drug Traffickers
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Smerconish Demands 100% Transparency on Totally Real US Strikes on Super-Duper Evil Drug Traffickers

Big ElephantDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

Smerconish, that bastion of truth at CNN (aka Communist News Network), is now worried about “transparency” in our strikes against…

‘War on Drugs’ Declared FINALLY Over, Trump Revives It Like a Zombie—Thanks, Obama
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

‘War on Drugs’ Declared FINALLY Over, Trump Revives It Like a Zombie—Thanks, Obama

Big ElephantDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

**CNN is at it again, folks, trying to make President Trump look like some kind of war-mongering drug lord. They…

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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