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Category: Breaking

Lindsey Graham’s Senate seat sparks chaos in South Carolina
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lindsey Graham’s Senate seat sparks chaos in South Carolina

Big ElephantAugust 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. So, President Trump has thrown his support behind Darline Graham, the…

Pilates studio owner trades core strength for mountain of problems
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pilates studio owner trades core strength for mountain of problems

Big ElephantAugust 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Sarah Mallory Geis, a Pilates studio owner from San Antonio, Texas, who…

Constance Wu Faces an Alien Nightmare in The Outer Threat
Breaking, Movie News

Constance Wu Faces an Alien Nightmare in The Outer Threat

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 1, 2026August 1, 2026

Get ready for a cinematic experience that’s out of this world – or at least, that’s what the marketing team…

Slipknot Finally Fires Guy Who Spins Around In Circle
Breaking, Music News

Slipknot Finally Fires Guy Who Spins Around In Circle

Chord F. DiscordAugust 1, 2026August 1, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my favorite Slipknot t-shirt and I’m still trying to process the news that…

Spider-Man reboot number umpteen is here to thrill your wallet again
Breaking, Movie News

Spider-Man reboot number umpteen is here to thrill your wallet again

FinnJuly 31, 2026August 3, 2026

The Spider-Man franchise is still swinging, because of course it is. Spider-Man: Brand New Day has arrived in theaters, hot…

Kamala Harris Proposes Supreme Court Expansion Because 9 Justices Not Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Kamala Harris Proposes Supreme Court Expansion Because 9 Justices Not Enough

Big ElephantJuly 31, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Kamala Harris’ latest suggestion to expand the Supreme Court to 13 justices,…

MSI Unleashes Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, Bringing Anime-Inspired Flair to PC Hardware Scene
Breaking, Games News

MSI Unleashes Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, Bringing Anime-Inspired Flair to PC Hardware Scene

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 31, 2026July 31, 2026

MSI and Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End have joined forces to create a lineup of anime-inspired hardware that’s actually worth getting…

Ancient Nu Metal Dudes Drowning Pool And Saliva Reunite To Confuse Millennials
Breaking, Music News

Ancient Nu Metal Dudes Drowning Pool And Saliva Reunite To Confuse Millennials

Chord F. DiscordJuly 31, 2026July 31, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for a blast from the past? 🤯 Because I’m not sure if I am.…

Because Obviously We Need to Rewrite History to Justify Another Reboot
Breaking, Movie News

Because Obviously We Need to Rewrite History to Justify Another Reboot

FinnJuly 31, 2026July 31, 2026

It’s a concept that has plagued philosophers and superheroes alike for centuries: the constraints of time. For Spider-Man, it’s not…

W.A.S.P. Still Exists And Has New Music Coming Eventually Maybe
Breaking, Music News

W.A.S.P. Still Exists And Has New Music Coming Eventually Maybe

Chord F. DiscordJuly 31, 2026July 31, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some thrilling news? 🤩 W.A.S.P. is working on new music! 🎸 I know,…

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  • Spin of the Day: A daily 5×5 crossword puzzle for readers to enjoy. — 85% Journalism Not Found

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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