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Category: Breaking

Tommy Lee Gushes Over John 5: Guitar God or Just Really, Really Flammable
Breaking, Music News

Tommy Lee Gushes Over John 5: Guitar God or Just Really, Really Flammable

Chord F. DiscordDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Tommy Lee, bless his heart, is STILL talking about John 5 joining Mötley Crüe? Like, we GET it,…

‘Star Wars’ Unwatchable Original Cut Resurrected For 50th Anniversary To Torture Fans
Breaking, Movie News

‘Star Wars’ Unwatchable Original Cut Resurrected For 50th Anniversary To Torture Fans

FinnDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

Oh, sweet Galaxy Far, Far Away, it’s been, like, half a freakin’ century since that little indie flick called Star…

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)
Breaking, Music News

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

LIONS AT THE GATE, the supergroup 🙄 featuring ex-ILL NIÑO rejects Cristian Machado (still screaming into the void), Ahrue “Luster”…

Netflix Gambles $72 Billion on Entertainment’s Next Big Flop
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Netflix Gambles $72 Billion on Entertainment’s Next Big Flop

Big ElephantDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

Netflix, that bastion of leftist Hollywood values, is buying Warner Bros. and HBO for a measly $72 billion. Can you…

Avengers: Endgame Returns to Theaters to Distract You From Impending Doom
Breaking, Movie News

Avengers: Endgame Returns to Theaters to Distract You From Impending Doom

FinnDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

OMG! 😱 Did you hear the earth-shattering news? Avengers: Endgame, the movie that made you cry harder than when your…

Korn Drummer’s Studio: Prepare for Disappointment
Okay, here's your dose of musical mayhem. Prepare to have your eardrums… mildly amused. 🤣
Breaking, Music News

Korn Drummer’s Studio: Prepare for Disappointment

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

KORN‘s Ray Luzier, the dude who hits things for a living, just dropped a THIRTEEN-MINUTE video showcasing his “Lose Yer…

Roland Gift Spotted at Train Station, Probably Just Lost
Breaking

Roland Gift Spotted at Train Station, Probably Just Lost

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

Roland Gift, of *checks notes* Fine Young Cannibals (who?), decided to grace the peasants at London’s St. Pancras International with…

Trump’s Brain Trust Plots European Rebellion and Declares ‘Yankee Go Home’ (From the Western Hemisphere)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Brain Trust Plots European Rebellion and Declares ‘Yankee Go Home’ (From the Western Hemisphere)

Big ElephantDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and America! The liberal media (aka CNN) is desperately trying to spin President…

JD Vance’s Marriage: Real or Just a Political Prop
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

JD Vance’s Marriage: Real or Just a Political Prop

Big ElephantDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

JD Vance, that MAGA stud, says he and his wonderful wife Usha are laughing all the way to the bank…

Consumer Spending Taking a Snooze While Inflation’s Still Throwing a Party
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Consumer Spending Taking a Snooze While Inflation’s Still Throwing a Party

Big ElephantDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it again, folks! They’re trying to make you believe the economy is struggling, but don’t…

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  • Gang of Dragon Still NOT Dead Because Let’s Be Real Who Needs Founders Anyway Nagoshi Studio Is Totally Fine Without Them

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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