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Category: Breaking

Macaulay Culkin’s Brain Fart: ‘Home Alone’ Sequel Idea That’ll Make You Facepalm
Breaking, Movie News

Macaulay Culkin’s Brain Fart: ‘Home Alone’ Sequel Idea That’ll Make You Facepalm

FinnNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Ah, Home Alone, that cinematic masterpiece where a child’s neglect turns into a festival of slapstick violence. Truly, a holiday…

Ripple Island: Kyle and Cal’s Culinary Catastrophe Now Plaguing Nintendo Switch 2 (allegedly) & Steam!
Breaking, Games News

Ripple Island: Kyle and Cal’s Culinary Catastrophe Now Plaguing Nintendo Switch 2 (allegedly) & Steam!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Alright gamers, listen up! πŸ“’ SUNSOFT, bless their cotton socks, has unleashed Ripple Island: Kyle and Cal’s Restaurant upon the…

Necrobutcher Thinks Mayhem’s Been Around So Long Because He’s Super Invested, LOL
Breaking, Music News

Necrobutcher Thinks Mayhem’s Been Around So Long Because He’s Super Invested, LOL

Chord F. DiscordNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Bassist JΓΈrn “Necrobutcher” Stubberud, the only reason Norwegian black metallers MAYHEM haven’t faded into obscurity, deigned to speak to Mexico’s…

HELLOWEEN Cancels Asian Tour Because Michael Kiske Ate Too Much Wasabi
Breaking, Music News

HELLOWEEN Cancels Asian Tour Because Michael Kiske Ate Too Much Wasabi

Chord F. DiscordNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

OMG! πŸŽƒ Seems like those geriatric German power metallers 🀘 from HELLOWEEN πŸ§™β€β™€οΈ have had to CANCEL their eagerly (not…

Witkoff: Putin’s Unofficial Life Coach, According to Ex-Ukrainian FM (LOL) | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Witkoff: Putin’s Unofficial Life Coach, According to Ex-Ukrainian FM (LOL) | CNN

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by the failing CNN to smear our glorious President Trump! This time, they’re peddling a…

AI Bullshit: Why Your Portfolio is About to Get Skynet-ted
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

AI Bullshit: Why Your Portfolio is About to Get Skynet-ted

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Nvidia, the Deep State’s favorite chipmaker, posts “blockbuster” earnings, but the stock dips? Sounds like Soros is shorting it, folks!…

Another Toasty Condo Bites the Dust, Courtesy of Questionable Wiring
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Another Toasty Condo Bites the Dust, Courtesy of Questionable Wiring

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another tragedy in a liberal-run city, folks! CNN is reporting a fire in a Hong Kong high-rise, and…

Georgia Prosecutor Accidentally Nukes Trump Case, Blames Rogue Stapler
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Georgia Prosecutor Accidentally Nukes Trump Case, Blames Rogue Stapler

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another WITCH HUNT COLLAPSES! Crooked Georgia prosecutor FINALLY admits what we knew all along: the case against our…

Liberal Lawyers Throw Hissy Fit Over USDA’s Totally Reasonable Attempt to Stop Free Food for Illegals
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal Lawyers Throw Hissy Fit Over USDA’s Totally Reasonable Attempt to Stop Free Food for Illegals

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another frivolous lawsuit from the radical left! These 21 Soros-backed Attorneys General, led by none other than the…

Justice Department Begs Judge to Unleash the Epstein & Maxwell Files: A Comedy of Errors
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Justice Department Begs Judge to Unleash the Epstein & Maxwell Files: A Comedy of Errors

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

The Justice Department, probably staffed with Deep State leftovers, is *pretending* to comply with the Epstein Files Transparency Act. I…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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