Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Apparently, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) screeners at Alabama’s Gulf Shores International Airport found something a bit unusual in a checked bag – five small cannonballs stolen from a Civil War-era fort. I mean, who packs cannonballs in their luggage? It’s not like they’re socks or something. Lead TSA Officer Justin Dupree was the one who spotted the projectiles on his X-ray machine, and I can only imagine his reaction. “My first thought was, I couldn’t see a fuse and need to get some help quick,” he said. Yeah, that’s probably a good call.
The cannonballs were wrapped in paper towels, because, you know, that’s exactly how you transport historical artifacts. The largest one was the size of a grapefruit, and the smallest was only about an inch wide. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to handle museum pieces. Dupree said he had never seen anything like it before, and I don’t blame him. “I’ve seen inert grenades and training munitions but never an Indiana Jones-esque stolen artifact-type situation,” he said. Yeah, that’s a thing now – Indiana Jones-esque situations at airport security.
The law enforcement folks determined that the cannonballs had been stolen from nearby Fort Morgan, which has been guarding Mobile Bay since 1834. It’s a museum now, operated by the Alabama Historical Commission. The Baldwin County Sheriff’s Office and TSA bomb experts confirmed that the cannonballs didn’t contain any explosives, but they still couldn’t fly. Because, you know, that’s just not how it works. Tara Corse, who’s in charge of TSA in Alabama, said she’s proud of the great catch, and I’m sure she is. “Even if inert and not active, travelers should avoid bringing weapons of any kind, including replicas, to the airport,” she said. Yeah, no kidding.
It turns out that a juvenile from out of state had taken the cannonballs, and the historical items were returned to the fort. The facility’s director declined to go forward with prosecution, because, you know, it’s just a kid. The historical society is still investigating, though, so we’ll see what happens. In the meantime, let this be a lesson to all you would-be thieves out there – don’t try to sneak cannonballs onto a plane. It’s just not worth it.
In conclusion, this whole story is just a big mess. I mean, who steals cannonballs from a museum? And who tries to bring them on a plane? It’s just crazy. But hey, at least the TSA is on top of things. As I always say, you can’t make this stuff up. And to all you travelers out there, just remember – no cannonballs in your luggage, okay? Bless their hearts.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
