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Category: Breaking

Guns N’ Roses Use 500 Drones to Announce They’re Still Alive and Touring in 2026
Breaking, Music News

Guns N’ Roses Use 500 Drones to Announce They’re Still Alive and Touring in 2026

Chord F. DiscordNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

LOL! GUNS N’ ROSES, those geriatric rockers, apparently think we care enough to watch 500 drones buzz around like confused…

Glenn Hughes: Still Alive After All These Years (and Sober, Apparently)
Breaking, Music News

Glenn Hughes: Still Alive After All These Years (and Sober, Apparently)

Chord F. DiscordNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

OMG! Glenn Hughes, aka the “Voice of Rock” (according to himself, probably), is TOTALLY celebrating 28 years of sobriety! 🎉…

The GEMS Declare ‘Year Of The Snake’ – Prepare for Hiss-terical Melodies
Breaking, Music News

The GEMS Declare ‘Year Of The Snake’ – Prepare for Hiss-terical Melodies

Chord F. DiscordNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

THE GEMS, the Swedish “hard rock” band featuring former THUNDERMOTHER (more like THUNDER-BORING, amirite?) members Guernica Mancini (vocals – allegedly),…

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple’s New Poster – Guaranteed to Bore You Less Than the Movie Itself
Breaking, Movie News

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple’s New Poster – Guaranteed to Bore You Less Than the Movie Itself

FinnNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Oh, joy! Another sequel no one asked for! Expanding upon the cinematic ✨masterpiece✨ that Danny Boyle and Alex Garland graced…

Trump’s Like, “Russians? Witkoff? Never Heard of ‘Em, Fake News”
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Like, “Russians? Witkoff? Never Heard of ‘Em, Fake News”

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it Again! President Trump’s brilliant peace plan for Ukraine triggers Deep State meltdown! They are…

DC Mayor Bowser, who tap-danced with Trump (bless her heart), bails on reelection, probably to pursue a career in interpretive dance
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

DC Mayor Bowser, who tap-danced with Trump (bless her heart), bails on reelection, probably to pursue a career in interpretive dance

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Another one bites the dust! DC Mayor Muriel Bowser, bless her heart, is throwing in the towel after a decade…

Crypto finally gets its way, still cries like a baby
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Crypto finally gets its way, still cries like a baby

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Another day, another leftist doomsayer trying to rain on President Trump’s parade! This time, it’s some Hollywood has-been whining about…

Carnival Cruise: Now With 100% More Homicide
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Carnival Cruise: Now With 100% More Homicide

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Another day, another tragedy, and you just KNOW the Liberal media is going to twist this into something against our…

Travel Bags: For When You Want to Look Like You Have Your Life Together; Fashion Crimes: Don’t Become a Victim; Pie Wars: The Sweetest Battle
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Travel Bags: For When You Want to Look Like You Have Your Life Together; Fashion Crimes: Don’t Become a Victim; Pie Wars: The Sweetest Battle

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Welcome to 5 Things PM, where we dissect the liberal lunacy of the day! Americans, bless their hearts, are bracing…

Virginia Attorney’s Office Throws Cases Like I Toss Salads: A Hilarious Judicial Smackdown
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Virginia Attorney’s Office Throws Cases Like I Toss Salads: A Hilarious Judicial Smackdown

Big ElephantNovember 25, 2025November 25, 2025

Another day, another deep state debacle! It seems the liberal swamp creatures are working overtime to undermine our glorious President…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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