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Category: Breaking

Shutdownageddon: Schools Implode Because Congress Can’t Play Nice
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Shutdownageddon: Schools Implode Because Congress Can’t Play Nice

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

More socialist handouts! Now they want to indoctrinate our kids with taxpayer money! Lackland, Texas, is just the tip of…

BBC’s Brain Drain: Blame Trump, Blame the Moon, Blame Your Annoying Coworker, Just Blame Something
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

BBC’s Brain Drain: Blame Trump, Blame the Moon, Blame Your Annoying Coworker, Just Blame Something

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Oh, the BBC’s boss is stepping down? Probably because he couldn’t handle the TRUTH! The swamp runs deep, even across…

Aaron Lewis Sings ‘Am I The Only One’ to Charlie Kirk: God’s Favorite Patriot Gets a Tune
Breaking, Music News

Aaron Lewis Sings ‘Am I The Only One’ to Charlie Kirk: God’s Favorite Patriot Gets a Tune

Chord F. DiscordNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Ah, yes, another groundbreaking moment in modern music history. 🙄 STAIND’s very own deep thinker, Aaron Lewis, took a break…

Crunchyroll Game Vault: 75 “Robust” Titles to Bore You to Tears in Year Two
Breaking, Games News

Crunchyroll Game Vault: 75 “Robust” Titles to Bore You to Tears in Year Two

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Oh boy, Crunchyroll Game Vault is two years old! 🎉 That’s like, what, 14 in dog years? 🐶 And to…

U.S. Senators’ Brainwave Sync: Government Might Reopen (Maybe)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

U.S. Senators’ Brainwave Sync: Government Might Reopen (Maybe)

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Desperate Dems Cave as Trump’s America Keeps Winning! Another pathetic attempt by the radical left to obstruct our glorious President…

BBC Bigwigs Bail After Botching Trump Tirade Tweak: CNN Reports
BBC Heads Roll After Trump Speech Gets the 'Woke' Edit!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

BBC Bigwigs Bail After Botching Trump Tirade Tweak: CNN Reports

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

The chickens are coming home to roost at the BBC! Two top commies resigned after being caught red-handed trying to…

MUDVAYNE’s New Album: Chad Gray’s Got NO CLUE, LOL
Breaking, Music News

MUDVAYNE’s New Album: Chad Gray’s Got NO CLUE, LOL

Chord F. DiscordNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

In a recent interview with Toilet Ov Hell (yes, you read that right 🚽), MUDVAYNE’s supreme leader, Chad Gray, graced…

Prepare to say ‘I do’ to crippling debt: How tariffs are about to obliterate your wedding budget
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Prepare to say ‘I do’ to crippling debt: How tariffs are about to obliterate your wedding budget

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Oh, the horror! It seems even weddings aren’t safe from the clutches of globalist tariffs, according to CNN, which is…

Newsom Declares Dems’ Tuesday Triumphs, Like Prop 50, Usher in ‘a new moment’ (as if we didn’t see it coming) for the Party | CNN Politics
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Newsom Declares Dems’ Tuesday Triumphs, Like Prop 50, Usher in ‘a new moment’ (as if we didn’t see it coming) for the Party | CNN Politics

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Gavin Newsom, fresh from his “sweeping election victory” (thanks to rigging the system, no doubt!), is now claiming it represents…

Dems channeling their inner Zohran Mamdani: cringefest incoming
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Dems channeling their inner Zohran Mamdani: cringefest incoming

Big ElephantNovember 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Oh, the horror! The Democrats are at it again, trying to manipulate the masses with their fancy “online electorate” strategies.…

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Latest posts

  • Because You Clearly Have Nothing Better to Do: Let’s Talk About Boring Funding Opportunities for Health and Environment Projects in Horizon Europe
  • Jinjer in Charlotte, NC (06/17/2026)
  • Warning Your Gallbladder is Plotting Against You Upper GI Trauma Incoming
  • Crystal Lake in Charlotte, NC (06/17/2026)
  • Silly 14-point Iran surrender plan annoyingly annotated

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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