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Category: Breaking

Because What The World Really Needed Was More Time To Forget The First One
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Really Needed Was More Time To Forget The First One

FinnJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

The Batman Part II has been pushed back yet again, because of course it has. The latest delay puts the…

Teens Charged With Tampering After Swim Team Member Drowns
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Teens Charged With Tampering After Swim Team Member Drowns

Big ElephantJuly 15, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the mysterious death of Daniel Erving, an 18-year-old athlete who drowned in a…

Capcom slashes Monster Hunter prices to lure back fleeing fans
Breaking, Games News

Capcom slashes Monster Hunter prices to lure back fleeing fans

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

In a bizarre turn of events, CAPCOM has decided to buck the trend of nickel-and-diming gamers to death, announcing a…

Death Angel to somehow still exist in 2026 and tour Europe because you clearly needed this
Breaking, Music News

Death Angel to somehow still exist in 2026 and tour Europe because you clearly needed this

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

Oh great, because what the world really needed was another tour announcement from a band that’s been around longer than…

Inflation Gets Slightly Less Awful For Now Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Inflation Gets Slightly Less Awful For Now Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 15, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest inflation numbers, and I’ve got to say, it’s a mixed…

Maine Democrats Frantically Compete To Fill Totally Not Toxic Seat
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Maine Democrats Frantically Compete To Fill Totally Not Toxic Seat

Big ElephantJuly 15, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Democratic primary in Maine is turning out to be a…

Because you needed another retrospective from the Sixties, obviously
Breaking, Music News

Because you needed another retrospective from the Sixties, obviously

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

The never-ending saga of music re-releases continues, because apparently retirement is just a suggestion. The latest installment in this grand…

Queens Of The Stone Age bless us with another song to pretend to like
Breaking, Music News

Queens Of The Stone Age bless us with another song to pretend to like

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

Queens of the Stone Age, the band that’s been rocking our worlds since the late 90s, just released a new…

Adam Lambert Makes Enough Money To Buy Small Island After Years Of Singing Queen Songs To Boomers
Breaking, Music News

Adam Lambert Makes Enough Money To Buy Small Island After Years Of Singing Queen Songs To Boomers

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some juicy gossip? 🤯 I just got my hands on an interview with…

Jason Newsted gets throat cancer because your nu-metal screams werent loud enough
Breaking, Music News

Jason Newsted gets throat cancer because your nu-metal screams werent loud enough

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

Jason Newsted, the former Metallica bassist, has announced that he’s hitting the road with his band, The Chophouse Band, and…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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