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Category: Breaking

Britain Finds Out It’s Been Dumped By America Via Messenger
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Britain Finds Out It’s Been Dumped By America Via Messenger

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about the 250th anniversary of America’s independence from Britain, and I’m thinking,…

Man somehow survives being buried alive for over a week miraculously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Man somehow survives being buried alive for over a week miraculously

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and watching the news, and I just can’t believe what I’m seeing. There’s this guy,…

Nation Somehow Manages To Contain Excitement For Soccer
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Nation Somehow Manages To Contain Excitement For Soccer

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2026

The World Cup has finally arrived in the US, and I’m having a blast reading about it while sipping my…

Shark Apparently Confused New Yorker for Lunch
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Shark Apparently Confused New Yorker for Lunch

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one – a swimmer got bitten on the foot in a suspected…

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Apparently Human Beings Too
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Apparently Human Beings Too

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest celebrity news, and it seems like Taylor Swift has finally…

Nikki Sixx somehow didnt die
Breaking News: Nikki Sixx Celebrates 25 Years of Not Being a Hot Mess 🎉
Breaking, Music News

Nikki Sixx somehow didnt die

Chord F. DiscordJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my desk because I’m so excited to share this news with you all.…

Because We Needed Another Star Wars Thing Already
Breaking, Games News

Because We Needed Another Star Wars Thing Already

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

Oh joy, another Star Wars game, because apparently we haven’t milked this franchise enough yet. I mean, who doesn’t love…

Trump Autographs Currency Because Humility Is Overrated
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Autographs Currency Because Humility Is Overrated

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about President Donald Trump’s latest move, and I’ve got to say, it’s a…

Mexico and South Korea’s Adorable World Cup Bromance Lives On
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Mexico and South Korea’s Adorable World Cup Bromance Lives On

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about the unlikely friendship between Mexican and Korean World Cup fans, and…

Trump Rewards Polluters With Pardons Because Who Needs Clean Air Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Rewards Polluters With Pardons Because Who Needs Clean Air Anyway

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about President Donald Trump’s latest move, and I have to say, it’s a…

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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