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Category: Breaking

Prophecy Productions: Chronicles of Moral Decay, or How a German “Cult” Label Became a Safe Space for Z-Patriots
A Handshake with the Devil: Inside Prophecy's Dirty Deal with Pro-Putin Scum
Breaking, Music News

Prophecy Productions: Chronicles of Moral Decay, or How a German “Cult” Label Became a Safe Space for Z-Patriots

FinnDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Once upon a time, “Prophecy Productions” was a seal of quality. It was a name that stood for aesthetics, atmosphere,…

MAX CAVALERA Can’t Handle Lyric Writing: ‘It’s Like Doing Taxes for the Devil’
Breaking, Music News

MAX CAVALERA Can’t Handle Lyric Writing: ‘It’s Like Doing Taxes for the Devil’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Max Cavalera Finally Admits What We All Suspected: Lyrics Are Just Glorified Homework (And He’s Definitely Not Getting an A+)…

Former Classmates Recall the Brown Shooter as a Genius-level Jerk We All Couldn’t Stand
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Former Classmates Recall the Brown Shooter as a Genius-level Jerk We All Couldn’t Stand

Big ElephantDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Leftist Ivy League Brainiac Snaps After Years of Being Forced to Pretend His Marxist Professors Were Smart Another day, another…

AMORPHIS Drops ‘Crowned in Crimson’ Because Apparently Kalevala Needed a Soundtrack From 2008
Breaking, Music News

AMORPHIS Drops ‘Crowned in Crimson’ Because Apparently Kalevala Needed a Soundtrack From 2008

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Move Over, Hollywood: Amorphis Just Dropped a Power Ballad So Cinematic It Might Actually Summon a Bear From the Kalevala…

Ben Shapiro and Tucker Carlson Get Into a Gladiatorial Spat Over Who Gets to Wear the MAGA Crown
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Ben Shapiro and Tucker Carlson Get Into a Gladiatorial Spat Over Who Gets to Wear the MAGA Crown

Big ElephantDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Leftists, Globalists, and Grifters Unite: TPUSA’s AmericaFest Becomes MAGA Soap Opera After Kirk’s Assassination PHOENIX — In a nation still…

The Best Christmas Movies for People Who Hate Christmas Movies
Breaking, Movie News

The Best Christmas Movies for People Who Hate Christmas Movies

FinnDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: A HOLIDAY MOVIE LIST FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE A SOUL (OR AT LEAST A SENSE OF HUMOR)…

Kennedy Center Officially Renamed to Trump’s Ego Palace of Performing Arts
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Kennedy Center Officially Renamed to Trump’s Ego Palace of Performing Arts

Big ElephantDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Trump Finally Fixes Another Liberal Disaster: Kennedy Center Gets a Much-Needed Dose of MAGA Greatness In a stunning move that…

James Cameron Finally Confirms Matt Damon Was Too Tall for Avatar: The Pandoran Truth Is Out
Breaking, Movie News

James Cameron Finally Confirms Matt Damon Was Too Tall for Avatar: The Pandoran Truth Is Out

FinnDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: James Cameron Drops the Mic on Matt Damon “Avatar” Drama, Claims Actor Was Never Actually Offered the Role…

Most Anticipated Games of 2026 (Hopefully They Won’t Release Them in 2027)
Breaking, Games News

Most Anticipated Games of 2026 (Hopefully They Won’t Release Them in 2027)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

The gaming industry is still breathing, folks! Shocking, right? After a year where we collectively lost our minds over sequels…

How Your Grandpa’s Brick-Sized Gizmo Became a Gaming God (and Your Battery’s Worst Nightmare)
Breaking, Games News

How Your Grandpa’s Brick-Sized Gizmo Became a Gaming God (and Your Battery’s Worst Nightmare)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Once upon a time, mobile phones were just fancy walkie-talkies with better battery life—no one expected them to do anything…

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Latest posts

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  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social on August 4 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 4 2026

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
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