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Category: Breaking

Blizzard monetizes meme with Jimothy raccoon pet in World of Warcraft
Breaking, Games News

Blizzard monetizes meme with Jimothy raccoon pet in World of Warcraft

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 24, 2026July 24, 2026

In a world where the internet has become a never-ending dumpster fire, it’s refreshing to see a story that brings…

AVENGED SEVENFOLD drops new EP because you clearly didnt have enough mediocre metal in your life
Breaking, Music News

AVENGED SEVENFOLD drops new EP because you clearly didnt have enough mediocre metal in your life

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2026July 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some unexpected news? 😱 AVENGED SEVENFOLD just surprise dropped a new EP called…

Oh Joy Another Avatar Series to Milk the Franchise for All It’s Worth Set After The Legend of Korra Because We Clearly Didn’t Get Enough of Aang and Company Already
Breaking, Movie News

Oh Joy Another Avatar Series to Milk the Franchise for All It’s Worth Set After The Legend of Korra Because We Clearly Didn’t Get Enough of Aang and Company Already

FinnJuly 24, 2026July 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤩 Nickelodeon just dropped the first trailer for the upcoming…

Volkswagen Profits Take Mysterious 10% Detour Straight Downward
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Volkswagen Profits Take Mysterious 10% Detour Straight Downward

Big ElephantJuly 24, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Volkswagen’s latest struggles, and let me tell you, it’s a wild ride.…

United Axes Middle Seats Because Passengers Hate Them
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

United Axes Middle Seats Because Passengers Hate Them

Big ElephantJuly 24, 2026

Well, folks, it looks like United Airlines is finally doing something about those dreaded middle seats. I almost choked on…

Joe Manchin Tries Again Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Joe Manchin Tries Again Because Why Not

Big ElephantJuly 24, 2026

Well, folks, it looks like Joe Manchin is back in the game, and this time, he’s going independent. The 78-year-old…

Iran Blocks the Strait So Neighbors Take the Scenic Route
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Iran Blocks the Strait So Neighbors Take the Scenic Route

Big ElephantJuly 24, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Brett McGurk, a CNN global affairs analyst, is saying that the…

Seaplane Crashes Washington Coast Because That’s Just How Mondays Start
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Seaplane Crashes Washington Coast Because That’s Just How Mondays Start

Big ElephantJuly 24, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a seaplane that made an emergency landing off the coast of Washington,…

Billionaire’s Ex Still Waiting For That AI Money
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Billionaire’s Ex Still Waiting For That AI Money

Big ElephantJuly 24, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest divorce drama in South Korea, and I’ve got to say,…

Senate Gets Feisty Over Trump’s Election Bill
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Senate Gets Feisty Over Trump’s Election Bill

Big ElephantJuly 24, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama between President Donald Trump and Senate Majority Leader John…

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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