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Category: Breaking

Grandpa’s Sidewalk Empire Takes Nation By Storm
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Grandpa’s Sidewalk Empire Takes Nation By Storm

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A 78-year-old cardiologist and local politician, Gary Miller, has become an…

Democrats Somehow Manage To Show Up And Vote This Time Around
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Democrats Somehow Manage To Show Up And Vote This Time Around

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. According to CNN, this year’s primary turnout is showing that Democrats…

Empire State Building’s Impenetrable Fortress Breached Again With Ease Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Empire State Building’s Impenetrable Fortress Breached Again With Ease Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A daredevil couple, Angelina Nikolau and Ivan Kuznetsov, decided to…

Tibetan Flag Waver Sets Self Ablaze Outside UN Headquarters
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tibetan Flag Waver Sets Self Ablaze Outside UN Headquarters

Big ElephantJuly 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A man holding a Tibetan flag set himself on fire outside…

Conservatives lose cool over AC request
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Conservatives lose cool over AC request

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest “scandal” in NYC, where Mayor Zohran Mamdani is being slammed…

Jason Newsted Abandons Dignity To Tour With The Chophouse Band Because You Clearly Needed This
Breaking, Music News

Jason Newsted Abandons Dignity To Tour With The Chophouse Band Because You Clearly Needed This

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2026July 2, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys in for a treat! 🎉 Former Metallica bassist Jason Newsted and his band The Chophouse…

You Won’t Believe What Happens Next Under Rubble
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

You Won’t Believe What Happens Next Under Rubble

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the most incredible rescue story, and I’ve got to say, it’s a…

You Won’t Believe Who’s Getting Soaked $800 Daily
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

You Won’t Believe Who’s Getting Soaked $800 Daily

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Supreme Court has declined to intervene in a case where…

Because What Hollywood Needed was a Melania Trump Biopic Apparently
Breaking, Movie News

Because What Hollywood Needed was a Melania Trump Biopic Apparently

FinnJuly 2, 2026July 2, 2026

President Donald Trump’s bank account just got a little thicker, thanks to a hefty licensing fee for the documentary about…

Canada’s Game Industry Finally Shows Up
Breaking, Games News

Canada’s Game Industry Finally Shows Up

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 2, 2026July 2, 2026

The games industry is in a bit of flux, but hey, at least we’ve got another conference to add to…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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