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Category: Breaking

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)
Breaking, Music News

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

MY DYING BRIDE, the band that makes funerals sound like a rave, has finally decided to ditch their lead singer,…

‘Minecraft Movie’ Sequel Officially Plaguing Theaters in 2027
Breaking, Movie News

‘Minecraft Movie’ Sequel Officially Plaguing Theaters in 2027

FinnOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

OMG! 😱 The biggest cinematic masterpiece 🎬 of our generation, A Minecraft Movie, raked in a measly $423.9 million in…

Ice Nine Kills Drools Over ’89 Batman, Churns Out Another Generic Track for Clueless Fanboys
Breaking, Music News

Ice Nine Kills Drools Over ’89 Batman, Churns Out Another Generic Track for Clueless Fanboys

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

ICE NINE KILLS, those maestros of musical mayhem, 🤡 invite you to “dance with the devil in the pale moonlight”…

Burton needs to C. the BELL, announces more talking, again
Breaking, Music News

Burton needs to C. the BELL, announces more talking, again

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Former FEAR FACTORY vocalist, the one and only Burton C. Bell (yes, THAT Burton C. Bell), has graced us with…

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)
Breaking, Movie News

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)

FinnOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

🤣Oh, look, it’s Andrew Garfield, still pretending he doesn’t know if he’s going to be in Avengers: Secret Wars. As…

Larian Studios Director Hilariously Roasts Elon Musk’s Pathetic Attempt at Gaming Domination
Breaking, Games News

Larian Studios Director Hilariously Roasts Elon Musk’s Pathetic Attempt at Gaming Domination

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Oh, honey, buckle up buttercups! 💅 Elon “Technoking” Musk, fresh off renaming Twitter to “X” because…reasons? 🤔 …is now gracing…

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two
Breaking, Music News

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

WINDS OF PLAGUE, those symphonic deathcore… things… that you probably forgot existed, decided to grace us with their presence at…

Heart Machine Axes Staff, Hyper Light Breaker’s Fate Hangs by a Thread LOL
Breaking, Games News

Heart Machine Axes Staff, Hyper Light Breaker’s Fate Hangs by a Thread LOL

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Oh, look, another indie darling bites the dust! 😭 Heart Machine, those guys who made Hyper Light Drifter (you know,…

OMG! Remember After Forever? Mark Jansen’s Old Band (Pre-Epica, LOL) Reunites for Some 25th-Anniversary Gigs
Breaking, Music News

OMG! Remember After Forever? Mark Jansen’s Old Band (Pre-Epica, LOL) Reunites for Some 25th-Anniversary Gigs

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

So, Mark Jansen’s band before the one everyone actually cares about, AFTER FOREVER, decided to dust off their instruments and…

GENE SIMMONS ‘Recovering At Home’ After Totaling His Ego (and Maybe His Car) in Malibu
Breaking

GENE SIMMONS ‘Recovering At Home’ After Totaling His Ego (and Maybe His Car) in Malibu

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

According to NBC4 Los Angeles, KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons, the Demon himself (or maybe just a confused grandpa?), is “recovering…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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