It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to report that our great nation is still standing, despite the best efforts of the fake news media and the deep state to bring us down. Our fearless leader, President Donald Trump, is still tweeting his brilliant thoughts and making America great again, one executive order at a time. And let’s be real, who needs facts and science when you have Trump’s incredible instincts and unparalleled business acumen? I mean, it’s not like we’re living in a dystopian nightmare or anything (oh wait, that’s just the liberal elites’ wet dream).
Now, I know some of the brainwashed snowflakes out there are still whining about the state of our country, but let me tell you, we’re doing better than ever. The economy is booming (just ask Trump’s accountant), and our military is so strong it’s almost like we’re the only country with an army (which, let’s be real, we basically are). And don’t even get me started on the wall – it’s being built, folks, and it’s going to be yuge, just yuge. I mean, who needs evidence or experts when you have Trump’s word on it?
And have you seen the latest polls? Trump’s approval ratings are through the roof (if you only count the polls that say he’s doing great, that is). The fake news media will try to tell you otherwise, but we all know they’re just jealous of our great leader’s tremendous success. I mean, who needs a free press when you have Trump’s tweets to guide you? It’s not like we’re living in a totalitarian regime or anything (oh wait, that’s just the liberal elites’ fantasy).
Now, I know some of the #NeverTrumpers are still crying about the so-called “scandals” and “corruption” surrounding our president, but let me tell you, it’s all just a witch hunt. Trump is a victim of the deep state and the fake news media, and we need to stand by our man no matter what. I mean, who needs accountability or the rule of law when you have Trump’s incredible charm and charisma? It’s not like we’re abandoning all our values and principles or anything (oh wait, that’s just the liberal elites’ problem).
And let’s talk about the achievements of our great president. I mean, who needs actual policy accomplishments when you have Trump’s brilliant tweets and amazing hair? It’s not like we’re stuck in a quagmire of partisan gridlock or anything (oh wait, that’s just the liberal elites’ fault). Trump is a genius, folks, and we’re lucky to have him as our leader. So, let’s all just relax and enjoy the ride, shall we? After all, it’s not like the fate of our nation is at stake or anything (oh wait, that’s just the liberal elites’ hysteria).
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
