According to the super reliable sources at Aftonbladet, a Swedish newspaper that obviously has nothing better to do, a woman in her 40s has been charged with harassment for allegedly sending Tobias Forge, the frontman of the band GHOST, a plethora of messages, payment requests, and letters between July and October last year 📝👀. We mean, who hasn’t done that, right? It’s not like she was trying to win a prize for “Most Creative Stalker” or anything 🏆. The woman, who we’ll refer to as the “GHOST Groupie,” continued to contact Forge through different means after being blocked, because, you know, that’s not creepy at all 😳. She even sent him registered letters, one of which contained a mobile phone, because who needs personal space, anyway? 📦
The GHOST Groupie allegedly sent long messages of praise to Forge via text and WhatsApp, because, you know, he must be tired of all the adoration and admiration from his fans 🙄. When he blocked her number, she began sending him registered letters, because that’s not a red flag or anything 🚩. Tobias, being the saint that he is, never picked up the letters sent to him, except for the most recent one, which contained the aforementioned phone 📱. According to him, the phone didn’t look like it was factory-packaged, which is just a fancy way of saying it was a creepy gift 🎁.
In his testimony, Forge described the situation as “intrusive” and “threatening,” which is just a nice way of saying “this woman is crazy” 😂. He stated that this crossed a personal boundary, which is just a fancy way of saying “get out of my bubble, lady” 🚫. “I didn’t want to keep [the phone] in my home so I put it on the balcony before I handed it in to the police,” Tobias is quoted as saying in the preliminary investigation report (translated from Swedish) 🌟. “I feel quite reserved around people trying to contact me, but over the years I’ve had about a dozen stalkers. However, no one has done anything as invasive and downright threatening as sending a mobile phone. It wouldn’t have been so good if I lived at a secret address, for example. With that phone, I reached my limit” 📊.
He added: “I’ve had devoted pursuers before, most of them are pretty harmless, but there’s something about this that’s odd” 🤔. Yeah, no kidding 🙄. The woman has also sent several Swish requests (a mobile payment system in Sweden) for 5,000 kronor (approximately $530) to Forge, because who doesn’t love a good game of “Send Me Money” 🎮?
The woman, for her part, claimed that she and Tobias first met 16 years ago, that they were in contact every day via messaging apps, and that they have been engaged since September last year 📆. However, she did not want to share their chats with the police, which is just a fancy way of saying “I have nothing to hide, except for the fact that I’m a total lunatic” 🤪. Tobias, on the other hand, denies knowing the woman or having any connection, which is just a nice way of saying “I have no idea who this crazy person is” 🙅♂️. He is not seeking compensation and stated he only wants to be left alone, which is just a fancy way of saying “please, for the love of all things good, leave me alone” 🙏.
“I don’t want to make her life worse,” he said 🙄. “I just want her to leave me alone and not hurt anyone else” 🤗. Yeah, good luck with that 🍀. The woman reportedly also faces additional charges involving other individuals, because why not, right? 🤷♀️. Tobias Forge formed GHOST in Linköping, Sweden in 2006, and worked anonymously until 2017, when a lawsuit from four of the band’s former “nameless ghouls” lifted the lid on his identity 🎭. And now, it seems, he’s dealing with a whole different kind of “nameless ghoul” 👻. Stay tuned for more updates on this totally-not-creepy story 📺! 🎉
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
