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Category: Breaking

The US is taking over Venezuela and eyeing Greenland like a real estate flip show — and somehow the Dow is still dreaming of 50k
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The US is taking over Venezuela and eyeing Greenland like a real estate flip show — and somehow the Dow is still dreaming of 50k

Big ElephantJanuary 12, 2026January 12, 2026

Dow Hits 50K Amid Chaos: Trump’s Venezuela Victory, Greenland Threat & Ice Moms Spark Stock Market Orgy In a stunning…

Suspect nabbed after torching Jackson’s last synagogue—only 60 years after the KKK lost their monopoly on bad PR
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Suspect nabbed after torching Jackson’s last synagogue—only 60 years after the KKK lost their monopoly on bad PR

Big ElephantJanuary 12, 2026January 12, 2026

Leftist Arsonists Strike Again: Mississippi Synagogue Burns in Latest Attack on Religious Freedom Another day, another act of domestic terrorism…

NAPALM DEATH Is Recording Demos For Band’s Seventeenth Studio Album (And The Sound Of Your Soul Screaming Is Inspiration)
Breaking, Music News

NAPALM DEATH Is Recording Demos For Band’s Seventeenth Studio Album (And The Sound Of Your Soul Screaming Is Inspiration)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 11, 2026January 11, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: NAPALM DEATH ENTERS STUDIO TO RECORD ALBUM #17, WORLD STILL NOT READY FOR THE AURAL ASSAULT 🚨 💥…

Anti‑ICE activists take to the streets nationwide to protest the tragic death of a woman in Minneapolis at the hands of an agent
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Anti‑ICE activists take to the streets nationwide to protest the tragic death of a woman in Minneapolis at the hands of an agent

Big ElephantJanuary 11, 2026January 11, 2026

Leftists Throw Tantrum Over ICE Shooting, Demand America Open Borders Because One Bad Guy Died Another day, another massive leftist…

Nintendo Switch 2: Our 2026 Wishlist of Hopes, Dreams, and Mildly Unreasonable Demands
Breaking, Games News

Nintendo Switch 2: Our 2026 Wishlist of Hopes, Dreams, and Mildly Unreasonable Demands

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 11, 2026January 11, 2026

Behold, the Nintendo Switch 2 has been alive for a whole six months — a milestone so grand, we’re practically…

Lily Zhang Shatters Patriarchy, Tops MLTT Rankings in Historic Plot Twist
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lily Zhang Shatters Patriarchy, Tops MLTT Rankings in Historic Plot Twist

Big ElephantJanuary 11, 2026January 11, 2026

Leftist Hollywood’s Latest Masterpiece: Timothée Chalamet’s Table Tennis Propaganda Film Promotes ‘Woke’ Ping Pong Over Traditional American Sports In a…

2026 Golden Globes: The Winners (Because Apparently Someone Still Cares)
Breaking, Movie News

2026 Golden Globes: The Winners (Because Apparently Someone Still Cares)

FinnJanuary 11, 2026January 11, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Hollywood’s Most Prestigious Night of Questionable Decisions Approaches 🚨 😱🎬 Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone who just wants to…

SNOT Finally Got a New Singer ANDY KNAPP and Spat Out Five Songs—Album Info Will Probably Drop When Hell Freezes Over
Breaking, Music News

SNOT Finally Got a New Singer ANDY KNAPP and Spat Out Five Songs—Album Info Will Probably Drop When Hell Freezes Over

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 11, 2026January 11, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: SNOT COMPLETES FIVE NEW SONGS, REVOLUTIONIZES HEAVY METAL (OR AT LEAST THEIR GARAGE) 🚨 🤘🎸 In a shocking…

A New ‘Jackass’ Movie Is Coming This Summer Because Apparently We Haven’t Learned Our Lesson
Breaking, Movie News

A New ‘Jackass’ Movie Is Coming This Summer Because Apparently We Haven’t Learned Our Lesson

FinnJanuary 10, 2026January 10, 2026

🚨BREAKING: Johnny Knoxville Reports That Pain Is Back, And So Is Jackass 🚨 😱💥 In a move that shocked absolutely…

Trump’s Iron Grip on Congress Is Slipping Faster Than His Hairline
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Iron Grip on Congress Is Slipping Faster Than His Hairline

Big ElephantJanuary 10, 2026January 10, 2026

Trump’s Party Throws Tantrum Over Greenland, Obamacare, and Fake Jan. 6 Drama – The Leftist Cabal Strikes Again! In a…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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