DORO Drips Out Another Banger: “Warriors of the Sea” Will Cure Your Depression (Probably)
OMG! Doro Pesch, the self-proclaimed German metal queen (more like metal court jester, amirite? 😂), has graced us with a…
Category: Breaking
EA Desperately Tries to Resurrect Another Corpse: Battlefront 2 Devs Beg for Second Chance at Ruining Star Wars
Okay, so apparently some dude who used to push pixels for Star Wars Battlefront 2 wants to “get the band…
OH GREAT ANOTHER ELDEN RING ADAPTATION, BECAUSE WE NEEDED MORE PAIN
OH. MY. GOD. 🙄 The geniuses at A24, the studio that brought you such cinematic masterpieces as… uh… *checks notes*……
Oh Great, Another One: Carey Mulligan Ruining Narnia, Probably
OMG! Greta Gerwig, fresh off her *Barbie* success (because apparently, that’s the only thing she’s ever done now), is apparently…
Fallout 76: They Added FISHING Now?! (GONE FISSION, More Like GONE BRAIN CELLS)
Oh, Bethesda, you sly dogs! 🐕🦺 Just when we thought Fallout 76 was destined to become a radioactive wasteland of…
Xbox Game Pass: Now You Too Can Experience the Joy of Playing Games Your Grandma Probably Already Beat
Wow, Xbox Game Pass just dropped an update so earth-shattering, so revolutionary, it’ll probably cure world hunger and solve climate…
MAMMOTH Plays “The End” for Mamas (Because Dads Don’t Matter, Apparently)
Folks, buckle up because MAMMOTH (formerly known as the infinitely more metal MAMMOTH WVH, because initials are *so* last year)…
Fortnite FINALLY Crawls Back to Apple After Epic Tantrum Lasted Half a Decade
Hold onto your V-Bucks, folks, because the most dramatic saga since that time Timmy rage-quit your squad is BACK! Yes,…
SHINEDOWN Milking It: Two More Singles Before We Even THINK About Album #8 (OMG!)
BREAKING: SHINEDOWN’s Brent Smith, During Yet Another Appearance on “On With Mario Lopez” (Because Where Else Would He Be?), Claims…
Metallica Announces 2026 European Tour: Still Playing Those Same Songs, Huh
OMG! 🙄 Metallica, those lovable dinosaurs 🦕, are STILL at it! They’ve announced their “M72” tour is crawling back to…