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Category: Breaking

OpenAI Pulls Plug on Sora Video App: Because Who Needs Innovation Anyway?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

OpenAI Pulls Plug on Sora Video App: Because Who Needs Innovation Anyway?

Big ElephantMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

Liberal Tech Elites Suffer Another Embarrassing Defeat as OpenAI Kills Off Woke Video App Well, well, well! It looks like…

Republican Phil Berger, One of North Carolina’s Most Powerful Politicians, Throws in the Towel on State Senate Race Because Democracy Demands It (Or Maybe He Just Got Tired of Winning)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Republican Phil Berger, One of North Carolina’s Most Powerful Politicians, Throws in the Towel on State Senate Race Because Democracy Demands It (Or Maybe He Just Got Tired of Winning)

Big ElephantMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

North Carolina’s Most Powerful GOP Senator Takes a Dirt Nap Thanks to MAGA Anger Well, well, well… look who just…

Prosecutor Confesses: No Evidence, Just Fed-Up Over Powell’s Fancy Office Makeover
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Prosecutor Confesses: No Evidence, Just Fed-Up Over Powell’s Fancy Office Makeover

Big ElephantMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

DOJ Prosecutor Admits No Evidence of Fed Crimes, Still Blames Powell Anyway Well, folks, here we go again with the…

Minecraft Dungeons 2: Now With 100% More Dungeons and 200% More Confusion at Minecraft Live 2026
Hold Onto Your Pickaxes, Folks! Minecraft Dungeons 2 Is Coming to Ruin Your Life (Again)
Breaking, Games News

Minecraft Dungeons 2: Now With 100% More Dungeons and 200% More Confusion at Minecraft Live 2026

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 24, 2026March 24, 2026

Well, well, well, look who decided to crawl out from under their cobblestone bed and grace us with their presence.…

Xbox Partner Preview 2026: Stranger Than Heaven and Other Mystical BS Coming to Your Screen
Buckle Up, Gamers—The Xbox Circus Just Got a New Ringmaster
Breaking, Events, Games News

Xbox Partner Preview 2026: Stranger Than Heaven and Other Mystical BS Coming to Your Screen

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 24, 2026March 24, 2026

Oh, Xbox. Sweet, chaotic Xbox. You’ve had quite the year, haven’t you? First, Phil Spencer, the captain of the sinking…

Dwayne Johnson’s Live-Action Maui Makes His Grand Entrance in New ‘Moana’ Trailer—Brace Yourself for Rock-Solid Performances!
Breaking, Movie News

Dwayne Johnson’s Live-Action Maui Makes His Grand Entrance in New ‘Moana’ Trailer—Brace Yourself for Rock-Solid Performances!

FinnMarch 24, 2026March 24, 2026

Oh great, another Disney “live-action” remake, because apparently the 2016 animated classic wasn’t *real* enough for us. Now we’re getting…

John Boyega: Back for More Galactic Shenanigans or Just Messing With Our Minds?
John Boyega Might Return to Star Wars… or Maybe He's Just Trolling Us All
Breaking, Movie News

John Boyega: Back for More Galactic Shenanigans or Just Messing With Our Minds?

FinnMarch 24, 2026March 24, 2026

Oh look, it’s Finn’s triumphant return to the galaxy far, far away—or at least his phone call to Dave Filoni.…

DINO CAZARES Praises New FEAR FACTORY Singer MILO SILVESTRO for Mastering the Art of Surviving on Tour Without Losing His Sanity (Yet)
Breaking, Music News

DINO CAZARES Praises New FEAR FACTORY Singer MILO SILVESTRO for Mastering the Art of Surviving on Tour Without Losing His Sanity (Yet)

Chord F. DiscordMarch 24, 2026March 24, 2026

FEAR FACTORY has a new singer, and apparently he can actually remember the lyrics without his phone. Revolutionary, I know.…

California Sheriff with Political Ambitions Confiscates Over Half a Million Ballots from 2025 Election — Because Democracy Needs a Timeout
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

California Sheriff with Political Ambitions Confiscates Over Half a Million Ballots from 2025 Election — Because Democracy Needs a Timeout

Big ElephantMarch 24, 2026March 24, 2026

California Sheriff Chad Bianco Launches Investigation Into Ballot Count Discrepancy – Democrats Panic Riverside County Sheriff Chad Bianco, a Republican…

Analysis: Who Has the Leverage in the DHS Shutdown Debate Amid Airport Chaos?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Analysis: Who Has the Leverage in the DHS Shutdown Debate Amid Airport Chaos?

Big ElephantMarch 24, 2026March 24, 2026

Democrats Take Advantage of Airport Chaos to Demand Concessions The Department of Homeland Security has been shut down for over…

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Latest posts

  • Kash Patel Under Fire For Using FBI Jet To Blow-Dry Hair
  • SONNY SANDOVAL On P.O.D.’s Upcoming LP: ‘It’s Definitely Not Going to Be a Trainwreck and Will Totally Not Be Forgotten in a Month’
  • Zack Snyder to Ruin Another Classic with His Signature Brand of Soulless Explosions in the Totally Necessary Remake of Escape From New York
  • Because You Clearly Need an Excuse to Eat a Whole Bowl of Ice Cream the Jimmy Fund Scooper Bowl
  • Ryan Holiday is Finally Going to Say Something Deep and You’ll Forget it 5 Minutes Later

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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