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Category: Breaking

Trump’s Helicopter Nearly Hits Plane Because Air Traffic Control Still Broken
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Helicopter Nearly Hits Plane Because Air Traffic Control Still Broken

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It’s been a year and a half since a deadly midair…

ActBlue’s Drama Might Cost Democrats Votes Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ActBlue’s Drama Might Cost Democrats Votes Somehow

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The drama surrounding ActBlue, the Democratic Party’s fundraising platform, is getting…

Oli Sykes and Courtney LaPlante somehow roped into making music for gamers now
Breaking, Music News

Oli Sykes and Courtney LaPlante somehow roped into making music for gamers now

Chord F. DiscordAugust 13, 2026August 13, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some earth-shattering news? 🤯 I mean, I can barely contain my excitement… Riot…

Taiwan Gets Robo-Hacked Because That’s Just How Tuesdays Go Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Taiwan Gets Robo-Hacked Because That’s Just How Tuesdays Go Now

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Hackers have taken their cyberattacks to a whole new level by…

Trump Stuck With Loyal But Inexpendable Karoline Leavitt
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Stuck With Loyal But Inexpendable Karoline Leavitt

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The news that Karoline Leavitt is leaving her post as White…

Grand Jury Gives Ex-Cop Plotting Attack a Free Get Out Jail Card
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Grand Jury Gives Ex-Cop Plotting Attack a Free Get Out Jail Card

Big ElephantAugust 12, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A former law enforcement officer, Christopher Gillum, was accused of planning…

Looney Tunes RebootMachine Churns Out Another Soulless Cash Grab
Breaking, Movie News

Looney Tunes RebootMachine Churns Out Another Soulless Cash Grab

FinnAugust 12, 2026August 12, 2026

The latest attempt to revive a beloved franchise has finally hit theaters, because of course it has. Coyote vs. Acme…

Billionaire Josh Kushner Now Owns Lakers Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Billionaire Josh Kushner Now Owns Lakers Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 12, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Josh Kushner, the brother of Jared Kushner, and I’ve got to say, this…

Trump Finds Someone Willing To Leave On Their Own Terms
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Finds Someone Willing To Leave On Their Own Terms

Big ElephantAugust 12, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest shakeup in the White House, folks. It seems like White House…

Crowds Still Pretty Bad at This Whole Voting Thing Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Crowds Still Pretty Bad at This Whole Voting Thing Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 12, 2026

Folks, let me tell you, reading about these recent primaries has been a wild ride. Two successive weeks of primaries…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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