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Category: Breaking

Chuck Norris, Walker Texas Ranger Legend, Finally Gets Tired of Kicking Death in the Face at 86
Chuck Norris, the Man Who Could Kill Death With His Bare Hands, Finally Succumbs to Old Age
Breaking

Chuck Norris, Walker Texas Ranger Legend, Finally Gets Tired of Kicking Death in the Face at 86

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

Chuck Norris, the human embodiment of the phrase “Don’t mess with Texas,” has finally met his match—Father Time. Yes, you…

The White House Unveils Its Master Plan to Tame the AI Beast—Or at Least Try Not to Get Eaten First
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The White House Unveils Its Master Plan to Tame the AI Beast—Or at Least Try Not to Get Eaten First

Big ElephantMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

Well, well, well—look who’s stepping in to save the day again. President Donald J. Trump, the undisputed champion of American…

Your Tax Refund is Probably Bigger This Year—Unless Trump’s Iran Drama Eats It All Up | CNN Business
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Your Tax Refund is Probably Bigger This Year—Unless Trump’s Iran Drama Eats It All Up | CNN Business

Big ElephantMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

Breaking: Your Tax Refund Just Got Wiped Out By Iranian Oil Prices, Thanks Obama So much for that “big, beautiful”…

Why Americans Ski in Europe: Because Their Wallets Deserve a Vacation Too
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Why Americans Ski in Europe: Because Their Wallets Deserve a Vacation Too

Big ElephantMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

Oh look, the liberal media is at it again — now they’re trying to convince hardworking Americans that skiing in…

CBS News fires 6% of staff, Bari Weiss takes over to fix everything with her legendary wisdom and charm
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CBS News fires 6% of staff, Bari Weiss takes over to fix everything with her legendary wisdom and charm

Big ElephantMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

Breaking: CBS News Ditches ‘Woke’ Agenda, Trump Fans Celebrate! In a stunning turn of events that’s rocking the liberal media…

Supreme Court Revives Street Preacher’s Epic Rant Against ‘Sissies’ at Concert – Free Speech Wins, Egos Bruised
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Supreme Court Revives Street Preacher’s Epic Rant Against ‘Sissies’ at Concert – Free Speech Wins, Egos Bruised

Big ElephantMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

Oh look, another “free speech” hero gets his day in court – and by hero, I mean the guy yelling…

FOO FIGHTERS Drop Banger ‘Caught In The Echo’ Because Your Childhood Needed More Nostalgia
Breaking, Music News

FOO FIGHTERS Drop Banger ‘Caught In The Echo’ Because Your Childhood Needed More Nostalgia

Chord F. DiscordMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

“Caught In The Echo” is now blasting through speakers everywhere like a caffeine-addicted toddler who just discovered a drum kit.…

Hollywood Minute: Jennifer Lawrence, Leonardo DiCaprio Filming with Martin Scorsese — Because Apparently the World Needs More A-List Actors Making Us Feel Inferior About Our Life Choices
Another Hollywood Disaster in the Making?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN, Movie News

Hollywood Minute: Jennifer Lawrence, Leonardo DiCaprio Filming with Martin Scorsese — Because Apparently the World Needs More A-List Actors Making Us Feel Inferior About Our Life Choices

Big ElephantMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

So now the liberal elites are at it again. Martin Scorsese, that aging director who hasn’t made a decent film…

NEUROSIS Drops Unexpected Masterpiece: ‘An Undying Love For A Burning World’ – Fans Go Berserk Over Decade-Long Wait!
NEUROSIS Just Dropped an Album While You Were Still Deciding What to Stream
Breaking, Music News

NEUROSIS Drops Unexpected Masterpiece: ‘An Undying Love For A Burning World’ – Fans Go Berserk Over Decade-Long Wait!

Chord F. DiscordMarch 20, 2026March 20, 2026

So, NEUROSIS just did that thing where they casually release a new album after a 10-year silence, as if to…

Martin McDonagh’s Wild Horse Nine: When Horses Get Wilder Than Your Ex’s Instagram Stories
Breaking, Movie News

Martin McDonagh’s Wild Horse Nine: When Horses Get Wilder Than Your Ex’s Instagram Stories

FinnMarch 19, 2026March 19, 2026

Oh great, another McDonagh film where people say “f***” a lot and stare at each other menacingly. But hey, this…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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