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Category: Breaking

America Hates Everything Right Now Apparently Including Lake America
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

America Hates Everything Right Now Apparently Including Lake America

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump has dropped another bombshell, and this time…

Tiger Woods swings by court for DUI plea tweak
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tiger Woods swings by court for DUI plea tweak

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one – Tiger Woods is heading back to court, and it’s not…

Tucson Gay Bar Shooting Sparks Totally Expected Hate Crime Probe
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tucson Gay Bar Shooting Sparks Totally Expected Hate Crime Probe

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a tragic shooting in Tucson, Arizona, where a gunman opened fire in…

Markey Wins Because You Clearly Love Gerontocracy
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Markey Wins Because You Clearly Love Gerontocracy

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Sen. Ed Markey is projected to win the Democratic nomination for…

Because What The World Needed Was Another GTA Teaser On Netflix
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Needed Was Another GTA Teaser On Netflix

FinnSeptember 1, 2026September 2, 2026

The latest numbers are in, and the most-watched title on Netflix last week was Grand Theft Auto VI: An Extended…

Bipartisanship breaks out somehow in Washington
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bipartisanship breaks out somehow in Washington

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama on the House floor, and let me tell you,…

GOP Rep Chuck Edwards Gets Official Slap for Creepy Behavior Allegations
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Rep Chuck Edwards Gets Official Slap for Creepy Behavior Allegations

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading about the latest drama on Capitol Hill. It seems GOP Rep. Chuck Edwards…

Recent Grads Somehow Manage Not To Live In Parents Basement
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Recent Grads Somehow Manage Not To Live In Parents Basement

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest trends in the US economy, and let me tell you,…

US Trade War Strategy Apparently Just Trolling Canada Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Trade War Strategy Apparently Just Trolling Canada Now

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney is trying to get trade talks…

Cop Kills College Student Gets Manslaughter Charge Totally Routine
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Cop Kills College Student Gets Manslaughter Charge Totally Routine

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about this crazy story from Pennsylvania, where a police officer has been charged…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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