Study Finds Human Brain Contains Entire Spoon’s Worth Of Nanoplastics
Read MoreThe OnionAccording to a new study, cognitively normal human brain samples collected at autopsy in early 2024 contained more…
Category: The Onion
Sex Ed Teacher Demonstrates How To Drive Truck Into Abortion Clinic
Read MoreThe OnionCLEARWATER, FL—Urging the middle school class to pay attention while he described the intimate process of revving the…
Trump Says Americans Could Feel ‘Some Pain’ From Tariffs
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump said that Americans could feel “some pain” from the emerging trade war triggered by his…
Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Home Deport Advantage
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Home Deport Advantage appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor…
Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an effort to assuage any fears over the constitutionality of the Trump administration’s flurry of executive actions,…
Elon Musk Offers Self $10 Billion Federal Buyout
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Saying he was just more deadweight hampering the executive branch’s ability to function efficiently, Elon Musk confirmed Monday…
Americans Start Stockpiling Moose Ahead Of Tariffs
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Rushing to purchase the hoofed mammals before the Trump administration’s tariffs on Canadian imports went into effect, Americans…
Technically Woman Gentrifying Land Of Potawatomi People
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Vehemently refuting the suggestion she was contributing to the displacement of the neighborhood’s current residents, local woman Ellen…
Court Rules Elephants Can’t Sue To Leave Zoo
Read MoreThe OnionThe Colorado Supreme Court unanimously ruled that five elderly elephants don’t have legal standing to sue to leave…