Dietary Restrict-Funs
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Category: The Onion
Man Spends Afternoon Volunteering Opinions About The Homeless
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Saying he found the activity enriched his life and provided him with a real sense of purpose,…
Gen Z, Millennials Prefer Influencer Content Over Premium Entertainment
Read MoreThe OnionA new Deloitte study found that about 50% of younger consumers prefer watching creator-driven content on social media…
Cardinals Weirded Out By How Religious Brush With Death Made Pope
Read MoreThe OnionVATICAN CITY—Saying the pontiff’s abrupt change in personality had put them all on edge, cardinals of the Roman…
Snake Getting Twirled Around Like Lasso Never Gonna Live This Down
Read MoreThe OnionSARTELL, MN—Feeling a deep sense of embarrassment wash over his long, scaly body, a local snake getting twirled…
Cardinals Begin Placing Stickers On Vatican Relics They Want When Pope Francis Dies
Read MoreThe OnionVATICAN CITY—With many remarking that they’d had their eyes on the holy artifacts since they first saw them,…
Furious Trump Cancels ‘Atlantic’ Subscription After 48 Years
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In protest of the publication’s coverage of the Signal breach, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he had…
Food Stamps: Myth Vs. Fact
Read MoreThe OnionMore than 41 million Americans receive monthly benefits through the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, also known as food…
Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing…
Study Finds Breastfed Children Far Better At Suckling Later In Life
Read MoreThe OnionCAMBRIDGE, MA—In a revelation shedding light on a previously unexamined facet of childhood development, a study published Thursday…