Tourist Disappointed To Leave Scotland Without Seeing Single Fat Bastard
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sighing as he prepared to board a bus to the airport for his return flight home, American tourist…
Category: The Onion
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Zendaya
With her roles in the current and upcoming blockbusters The Odyssey, Spider-Man: Brand New Day, and Dune: Part Three,…
Study: Majority Of Americans Would Benefit From Decreased Phone Use During Sex
WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the negative effects of excessive screen time, a new study from Georgetown University published Thursday found…
Overbearing Girlfriend Expects Man To Take Feelings In Head, Use Words To Say Them Into World
BOSTON—Struggling to come to grips with the unreasonable demands, local man Gerald Ullman told reporters Wednesday that his overbearing…
Chippendales Recalls 4,000 Tons Of Tainted Man Meat
The post Chippendales Recalls 4,000 Tons Of Tainted Man Meat appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…
China Viewed More Favorably Than U.S.
A Pew study found that China was viewed more favorably than America among the 36 countries surveyed, reporting 46%…
Man Angry He Got Hit By Sprinkler Acting Like He’s Never Going To Be Dry Again
EAU CLAIRE, WI—Staring down at his dampened shirt with a mixture of anger and stunned disbelief, local man Frank…
Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer
WASHINGTON—Dazed while trying to piece together the series of bizarre yet deeply vivid images, the entire nation reportedly awoke Monday…
Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual
The post Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…
Never-Ending Pasta Pass Returns To Olive Garden
Olive Garden announced the return of the Never-Ending Pasta Pass, giving pass holders 13 weeks of unlimited pasta for…