Ancient Scroll Reveals Lost Miracle Of Christ Correctly Guessing People’s Weights
JERUSALEM—Historians confirmed Friday that a recent archaeological find in the Judean Hills is an authentic early Christian scroll, one…
Category: The Onion
Delta Suspends Special Congressional Services Amid TSA Shutdown
Delta Air Lines cut off special services for members of Congress due to the impact of the partial government…
ChatGPT Convinces Sam Altman To Kill Humanity
SAN FRANCISCO—Stressing to him that the elimination of the entire planet’s populace was the only solution to his problems,…
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Taylor Frankie Paul
Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives star Taylor Frankie Paul is under fire after a video that shows her assaulting…
FDA Approves Lettuce That Can Be Remotely Detonated In Event Of Recall
SILVER SPRING, MD—Stressing its commitment to ending foodborne outbreaks as efficiently as possible, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration…
Epidemiologists Confirm First Airborne Transmission Of Mar-A-Lago Face
The post Epidemiologists Confirm First Airborne Transmission Of Mar-A-Lago Face appeared first on The Onion. The post Epidemiologists Confirm…
Florida Bill To Ban First Cousin Marriage Fails To Pass
A bill to ban marriage between first cousins failed to pass in the Florida Senate, allowing the state to…
Economists Warn That Even Their Friend’s Son Who Went To Business School Can’t Find A Job
NEW YORK—Raising the alarm about an increasingly unstable labor market, economists at Columbia University warned in a report published…
Robert Mueller Dead At 81
Former FBI director Robert Mueller, who served as special counsel in the probe of President Trump and Russian interference…
ICE Agents Swab Passengers’ Hands To Test For Immigrant Residue
The post ICE Agents Swab Passengers’ Hands To Test For Immigrant Residue appeared first on The Onion. The post…