Scottie Scheffler’s Masters Hopes Fade After Being Swallowed By Sandworm
The post Scottie Scheffler’s Masters Hopes Fade After Being Swallowed By Sandworm appeared first on The Onion. The post…
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Cocaine, Caffeine Detected In Sharks
A new study revealed that sharks in the Bahamas tested positive for cocaine, caffeine, painkillers, and other substances, with…
Melania Trump: ‘Never Once In My 4,000 Years Have I Been To Epstein Island’
The post Melania Trump: ‘Never Once In My 4,000 Years Have I Been To Epstein Island’ appeared first on…
George Lucas Calls Darth Maul To Congratulate Him On Disney+ Series
SAN ANSELMO, CA—Feeling surprised and delighted by his former employee’s success, Star Wars creator George Lucas reportedly called Darth Maul on…
Pros And Cons Of Phone-Free Concerts
More artists are banning phones at their shows. The Onion examines the pros and cons of phone-free concerts. PRO…
Coachella Medical Staff Rush Overly Lucid Man To Emergency Psychedelics Tent
INDIO, CA—Stressing that they had to act quickly before the situation further deteriorated, medical staff working the Coachella Valley…
Passenger Gives Birth Mid-Flight
A Caribbean Airlines passenger went into labor while traveling to New York from Jamaica, giving birth as the flight…
State Department Issues Travel Warning For Women Vacationing With Husbands
WASHINGTON—In an effort to call attention to a potentially life-threatening hazard, the State Department issued a travel warning Thursday…
NASA’s Artemis II Mission By The Numbers
Following their historic moon flyby, the Artemis II crew will return to Earth on Friday. The Onion looks at…
Swollen RFK Jr. Warns Americans Not Eating Enough Bees
WASHINGTON—After manually prying his eyelids open to read from a report he had prepared on the matter, a badly…