Tech Billionaires Threaten To Flee California Over Proposed Vest Tax
SAN FRANCISCO—Citing a right to keep their torsos sheathed in windproof synthetic fabrics, tech billionaires were reportedly threatening to…
Category: The Onion
Images Of National Parks Replaced With Trump’s Face On Annual Passes
The Interior Department announced plans to replace a picturesque image of Glacier National Park on the 2026 “America the…
MTA Admits To Fabricating Large Parts Of Subway Map
NEW YORK—In an effort to bring greater transparency to the city’s public transit system, New York’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority…
Santa Tracker Shows Sleigh Stopped For 40 Minutes Outside Old Girlfriend’s House
AKRON, OH—Using the icon of a sleigh to denote his unmistakable presence near a residence in northeastern Ohio, NORAD’s…
Felt Beard Taped To Child’s Face Hanging On For Dear Life With Entire Christmas Pageant To Go
The post Felt Beard Taped To Child’s Face Hanging On For Dear Life With Entire Christmas Pageant To Go…
Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
Seasons greetings from your old friend Santa! With Christmas just a few short days away, Santa is hard at…
State Department Reinstates Times New Roman Font Over DEI Concerns
Secretary of State Marco Rubio ordered diplomatic correspondences to cease the use of Calibri font and revert to Times…
Student Who’s Been In 3 School Shootings Starting To Think This Might Be About Him
MACKINSHAW, NE—Emphasizing that he didn’t want to seem paranoid but it was the only way he could make sense…
Trump Announces New ‘Dodger Dividend’ For Anyone Who Avoided Military Service
WASHINGTON—Praising the recipients for their acts of true American cowardice, President Donald Trump proudly announced a new “Dodger Dividend” on…
Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money
The post Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money appeared first on The Onion. The post Trump…