Nephew In Trouble For Strangling Again
Read MoreThe OnionWILMINGTON, DE—Adding to his streak of disagreeable behavior, 12-year-old nephew Cooper Goodpaster was reportedly in trouble for strangling…
Category: The Onion
You’re Not The Man I Married—You’re Significantly More Attractive And Loving
Read MoreThe OnionGerald, we need to talk. None of this is going to be easy for you to hear, but…
Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—During a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele claimed Monday…
Stephen A. Smith Hasn’t Ruled Out Living Cushy Life As Millionaire TV Personality With No Responsibilities
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Insisting he was keeping all avenues open as he explored his future, ESPN commentator Stephen A. Smith…
Paternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Paternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical…
Report: Wife Hasn’t Been Home In Few Days
Read MoreThe OnionMEDINA, OH—Speculating that the situation could be worth looking into at some point down the line, a report…
Ozempic User Explains How Weight Loss Changed The Way People Slapped Her Belly
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Ozempic User Explains How Weight Loss Changed The Way People Slapped Her Belly appeared first on…
Researchers Taste Miso Fermented In Space
Read MoreThe OnionScientists recently had the opportunity to taste a batch of “space miso” fermented for 30 days aboard the…
Hush Falls Over Crowd After Bagel Tears ACL In Jumbotron Race
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Thousands of horrified Bulls fans reportedly gasped and shuddered Tuesday when a cartoon bagel tore his ACL in…
Sarah Miller
Read MoreThe OnionSarah Miller, 47, died happy when her claim that her son’s erratic driving was “going to get [them]…