Jason Momoa Wakes Up Tied To Chair In Empty Warehouse With ‘Candy Crush Saga’ Movie Script
LOS ANGELES—Regaining consciousness just as a masked captor slapped him across the face with the script, actor Jason Momoa…
Category: The Onion
Angels Set Off Fireworks To Celebrate Base Hit
The post Angels Set Off Fireworks To Celebrate Base Hit appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…
Nervous Mariska Hargitay Calms Self Down By Picturing Audience Brutally Murdered
LOS ANGELES—Taking a deep breath as she peeked her head out from the wings of the Peacock Theater, Primetime…
Trump Promises Americans $5,000 If GOP Maintains Control Of Congress
President Trump promised a $5,000 “Trump Dividend” to every American adult should Republicans maintain control of both the House…
Phoebe Bridgers Postpones Concert After Experiencing Twinge Of Happiness
INDIANAPOLIS—Profusely apologizing for the unexpected and last-minute cancellation, singer-songwriter Phoebe Bridgers announced Monday that she was postponing her show…
Emmys Producers Warn Aging Stars Deadline For ‘In Memoriam’ Segment Midnight
LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that late entries would not be tolerated, producers for the 78th Primetime Emmy Awards issued a statement…
Sandra Bullock Regrets ‘Practical Magic 2’ After Realizing She Could’ve Just Had Dinner With Nicole Kidman
BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Expressing regret over her decision to star in and produce the film Practical Magic 2, co-lead Sandra…
Trump Promises To Take $5,000 From Every American If Democrats Win Midterm
The post Trump Promises To Take $5,000 From Every American If Democrats Win Midterm appeared first on The Onion.…
Savannah Bananas Commemorate 9/11 With Solemn ‘Macarena’ Performance
SAVANNAH, GA—In remembrance of the lives lost on that fateful day, sources confirmed that the roster of the Savannah…
Kiss Cam Operator Not Going To Stop Until All 32,000 Fans Have Kissed
The post Kiss Cam Operator Not Going To Stop Until All 32,000 Fans Have Kissed appeared first on The…