Schools Deploy Pepper Spray Drones To Combat Shootings
Several schools across the U.S. are deploying pepper spray-dispensing drones in an effort to combat school shootings, an approach…
Category: The Onion
RFK Jr. Cooking Show Features Easy Weeknight Meals Using Ingredients Already In Own Body
WASHINGTON—Saying the convenience of the quick but nutritious entrees could not be beat, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert…
Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over
The post Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over appeared first on The Onion. Read…
Report: Artists Not Boycotting Grammys Down To Meghan Trainor, Susan Boyle, Sugar Ray
SANTA MONICA, CA—Stating that they were looking forward to another spectacular and soul-stirring awards ceremony in February, the Recording…
Rockies Fan Opens Private Tab To Check Score
The post Rockies Fan Opens Private Tab To Check Score appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…
Translator Of Original ‘Minions’ Epic Poem Slams ‘Sexless, Bloodless’ Film Adaptation
PHILADELPHIA—In a 4,500-word essay published in Harper’s Magazine, Emily Wilson, known for her popular translation of the Minions epic…
Congress Interrogates Fauci Over Origins Of Pie Brought To Cookout
WASHINGTON—Accusing the physician of not being straight with the American people, an often hostile Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee this week…
Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’
The post Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’ appeared first on The Onion. Read…
Elon Musk: ‘Revenge Porn Is A Human Right’
The post Elon Musk: ‘Revenge Porn Is A Human Right’ appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…
Meatpacking Plant Workers Weirded Out By Guy Older Than 16
HOLCOMB, KS—Confused and even disturbed at the sight of a new employee who recently appeared on the processing line, workers…