Category: The Onion

       Regulators around the world are cracking down on energy drinks, citing serious health risks associated with high levels of…

       THE HEAVENS—Noting that a marked downward trend had developed this fiscal year and showed no signs of stopping, The…

       TOPEKA, KS—In a shocking announcement that instantly brought all dinner conversation to a screeching halt, local father Jesse Pflughaupt…

       The Department of Justice finalized a rule that creates a path for some convicted felons to have their gun…

       Luigi Mangione pleaded guilty to federal stalking charges in the 2024 killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, facing a…

       Whether shorts are office-appropriate attire has ignited an online debate. The Onion examines the pros and cons of wearing…

       RENO, NV—Wincing as he sang in a baritone voice with a slight British accent, local woman Mary Lowe reportedly…

       APPLETON, WI—Wide-eyed and unusually still as he took in the unfamiliar sight before him, local 9-year-old Connor Walsh reportedly…

       School is back in session for millions of students across the country. The Onion shares tips for ensuring your…

       CHICAGO—Basing the instructions almost entirely on a mental map of his surroundings that had seemingly not been updated since…