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Category: The Onion

New Raid Immortality Spray Curses Insects To Watch Everyone They Love Die
The Onion

New Raid Immortality Spray Curses Insects To Watch Everyone They Love Die

FinnJune 24, 2026

       RACINE, WI—Vowing that the new product line was the ideal way to make termites and beetles suffer for all…

Roommate Ruins Completely Arbitrary Spice Drawer Layout
The Onion

Roommate Ruins Completely Arbitrary Spice Drawer Layout

FinnJune 24, 2026

       The post Roommate Ruins Completely Arbitrary Spice Drawer Layout appeared first on The Onion.    The post Roommate Ruins Completely…

Christian Energy Drinks Hit Market
The Onion

Christian Energy Drinks Hit Market

FinnJune 23, 2026

       Multiple Christian energy drink brands, such as Yahweh and Praise Energy, have hit the market, capitalizing on the image…

Tesla Launches New Model Of Explosions
The Onion

Tesla Launches New Model Of Explosions

FinnJune 23, 2026

       The post Tesla Launches New Model Of Explosions appeared first on The Onion.    The post Tesla Launches New Model…

Wilson Unveils Tennis Balls With Even More Smell
The Onion

Wilson Unveils Tennis Balls With Even More Smell

FinnJune 23, 2026

       CHICAGO—Calling the update a major breakthrough for players who enjoy new-ball smell, Wilson Sporting Goods officials unveiled a new…

GOP Urges Democrats To Tone Down Rhetoric Used To Quote President Verbatim
The Onion

GOP Urges Democrats To Tone Down Rhetoric Used To Quote President Verbatim

FinnJune 23, 2026

       WASHINGTON—Imploring their colleagues across the aisle to be mindful of how the highly charged language might elevate national tensions,…

Ticks: Myth Vs. Fact
The Onion

Ticks: Myth Vs. Fact

FinnJune 22, 2026

       The CDC reports an estimated 31 million people in the United States are bitten by a tick annually. The…

Keir Starmer Resigns Amid ‘Not Being Very Good Prime Minister’ Scandal
The Onion

Keir Starmer Resigns Amid ‘Not Being Very Good Prime Minister’ Scandal

FinnJune 22, 2026

       The post Keir Starmer Resigns Amid ‘Not Being Very Good Prime Minister’ Scandal appeared first on The Onion.    The…

Bill Gates Invests In New Sex Trafficking Startup
The Onion

Bill Gates Invests In New Sex Trafficking Startup

FinnJune 22, 2026

       The post Bill Gates Invests In New Sex Trafficking Startup appeared first on The Onion.    The post Bill Gates…

Study Contends Free Will Disproven By Fact That Humans Repeatedly Eat At Jimmy John’s
The Onion

Study Contends Free Will Disproven By Fact That Humans Repeatedly Eat At Jimmy John’s

FinnJune 22, 2026

       CHAMPAIGN, IL—Shedding new light on the concept of voluntary behavior, researchers at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign contend in…

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