Political Profile: Pete Hegseth
Read MoreThe OnionPete Hegseth, Trump’s pick to lead the Pentagon, has refused to withdraw his nomination amidst allegations of financial…
Category: The Onion
Jill Biden Leaves Teaching Post
Read MoreThe OnionFirst lady Jill Biden announced that she is stepping down from her teaching position at Northern Virginia Community…
Faded Outline Of Ex-Girlfriend’s Name Still Visible On Stocking
Read MoreThe OnionMILWAUKEE—Noticing the discolored places where different letters had once adorned the decoration, area woman Paula Jackson observed Friday…
Building Shitty Gingerbread House Just Making Depression Worse
Read MoreThe OnionMINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that…
Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! appeared first on The Onion.
Experts Recommend Putting Injured Person In Some Sort Of Cylindrical Tank Filled With Fluid
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Stressing that the procedure offered affected individuals their best chance at recuperation, experts at Northwestern University’s medical school…
Bald Man Presses Face To Window As Thick-Haired Family Sits Down To Dinner
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside…
CEO Motivates Self By Keeping Own Photo On Desk
Read MoreThe Oniony he comes to work every morning, Solarion Enterprises CEO Dan Lipcot told reporters Friday that in order…
ABC Pays $15 Million To Settle Trump Defamation Suit
Read MoreThe OnionABC News agreed to pay $15 million toward Donald Trump’s presidential library to settle a defamation lawsuit over…
Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas appeared first on The Onion.