Category: The Onion

       WASHINGTON—Assuring Americans that a routine medical exam had confirmed the president had no pressing health concerns, Capt. Sean Barbabella,…

       THE NEXT LEVEL—Still reaping the benefits of a mass suicide timed to coincide with the arrival of the Hale–Bopp…

       Serena Williams announced she will play doubles at the prestigious HSBC Championships as a wildcard, marking the 44-year-old superstar’s…

       WASHINGTON—Drawing intense scrutiny for what opponents have characterized as misuse of agency resources, FBI director Kash Patel came under…

       COLTS NECK, NJ—Declaring that he wasn’t about to turn down a fat check for shitting out some hits, rock…

       LOS ANGELES—Breathing a deep sigh of relief as the credits rolled Sunday night, fans praised HBO drama Euphoria for…

       WASHINGTON—Growing visibly emotional as he recounted the trauma surfaced by the Justice Department’s release of files on the serial…

       Former first lady Jill Biden claimed that she thought her husband, former President Joe Biden, was having a stroke…

       NEW YORK—Describing some of the new branded products available for purchase at shows, a spokesperson for Harry Styles confirmed…

       VATICAN CITY—Lambasting the “muddled” plotlines of the post-Lucas era in a staggering 60,000 words, Pope Leo XIV released a…