Trump Still Polling Well With Working-Class American Pedophiles
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Despite the president’s sagging approval rating overall, a Gallup Poll released Tuesday confirmed that Donald Trump’s support remained…
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Trump Body Double Struggling To Get Leg Edema Just Right
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Expressing frustration with his inability to duplicate the president’s bulbousness caused by trapped fluid, body double John Schade…
Hulk Hogan’s Spasming Cadaver Body Slams Mortician
Read MoreThe OnionCLEARWATER, FL—After undergoing a medical emergency and dying last week at the age of 71, Hulk Hogan’s spasming…
Trump Gives Russia 10-Day Deadline To End Ukraine
Read MoreThe OnionEDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Shortening the 50-day deadline he had previously given Vladimir Putin to put a stop to the war-torn…
Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom Awkwardly Pretend Not To See Each Other While Out Naked Paddleboarding
Read MoreThe OnionCAGLIARI, ITALY—Groaning as they both realized the other unclothed person on the water was indeed their ex, Katy…
Tinder Update Classifies Female Age Input Over 35 As System Error
Read MoreThe OnionWEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—Causing widespread frustration among women who dared to search for love in middle adulthood, an update…
Hulk Hogan Dead At 71
Read MoreThe OnionHulk Hogan, who used his bombastic showmanship to transform professional wrestling and take the sport mainstream, died in…
FDA Drug Approval AI Generates Fake Studies
Read MoreThe OnionThe FDA’s new AI designed to speed up drug approvals has been found to fabricate studies and misrepresent…
Most Anticipated Celebrity Memoirs Of 2025
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Most Anticipated Celebrity Memoirs Of 2025 appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Tesla Opens Diner
Read MoreThe OnionTesla CEO Elon Musk launched the company’s first diner in Los Angeles, with the futuristic pit stop featuring…