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Oscars 2026 Nominations: See Which Rich People Will Pretend They Don’t Care About Winning
Breaking, Movie News

Oscars 2026 Nominations: See Which Rich People Will Pretend They Don’t Care About Winning

FinnJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

Buckle up, cinephiles and professional award-watchers, because the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences just dropped its annual list…

Unauthorized Wayne Static Doc Funded by Matt Zane Because Dead Guys Can’t Sue
Breaking, Music News

Unauthorized Wayne Static Doc Funded by Matt Zane Because Dead Guys Can’t Sue

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

Well, well, well, grab your popcorn and your hazmat suits, because the unauthorized documentary drama of the decade is back…

Trump Chickens Out of Invading Greenland Because He Finally Looked at a Map
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Chickens Out of Invading Greenland Because He Finally Looked at a Map

Big ElephantJanuary 21, 2026January 21, 2026

President Donald J. Trump, in a majestic display of sheer dominance and strategic genius, announces that he will graciously refrain…

ARCHITECTS Announce Spring 2026 U.S. Tour With Enough Tremolo Picks To Fix A Thousand Broken Mirrors, Drop Video For ‘Broken Mirror’
Breaking, Events, Music News

ARCHITECTS Announce Spring 2026 U.S. Tour With Enough Tremolo Picks To Fix A Thousand Broken Mirrors, Drop Video For ‘Broken Mirror’

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 21, 2026January 21, 2026

Hold onto your neck braces and prepare your eardrums for the glorious return of the UK’s finest architects of chaos,…

The Nominees For the Worst Movie of the Year Are Here and honestly who cares
Breaking, Movie News

The Nominees For the Worst Movie of the Year Are Here and honestly who cares

FinnJanuary 21, 2026January 21, 2026

🚨 THE RAZZIE NOMINEES ARE HERE! 🚨 Cinephiles, grab your barf bags and prepare for a cinematic journey so terrible,…

Life Is Strange: Reunion Uninstalls Your Trauma This March But Only The Pixelated Kind
Breaking, Games News

Life Is Strange: Reunion Uninstalls Your Trauma This March But Only The Pixelated Kind

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 20, 2026January 20, 2026

Alright, strap in, Bae-over-Bay truthers and timeline-deniers, because Square Enix just hit the rewind button on our wallets and our…

This Is Not A Test – Because We’ve Finally Decided To Just Give Up And Watch The Trailer For The New Zombie Apocalypse Movie
Breaking, Movie News

This Is Not A Test – Because We’ve Finally Decided To Just Give Up And Watch The Trailer For The New Zombie Apocalypse Movie

FinnJanuary 20, 2026January 20, 2026

Oh great, another zombie flick where a group of “plucky” teenagers tries to survive the apocalypse in a high school.…

Kreator’s Mille Petrozza Says The World Needs More Than Just Sad Songs To Get Through The Day, Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Kreator’s Mille Petrozza Says The World Needs More Than Just Sad Songs To Get Through The Day, Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 20, 2026January 20, 2026

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, German thrash metal titans KREATOR have decided to…

Netflix Throws Bricks of Cash at Warner Bros. Discovery Like a Scrooge McDuck Cosplay Gone Wrong
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Netflix Throws Bricks of Cash at Warner Bros. Discovery Like a Scrooge McDuck Cosplay Gone Wrong

Big ElephantJanuary 20, 2026January 20, 2026

In a stunning victory for American entertainment and common sense, President Trump’s booming economy has forced Netflix to go ALL…

83-Year-Old Boomer Convicted of Whacking Uber Driver After Dubious Tip Theory
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

83-Year-Old Boomer Convicted of Whacking Uber Driver After Dubious Tip Theory

Big ElephantJanuary 19, 2026January 19, 2026

Tragic Ohio Tragedy Shows the Devastating Consequences of Crooked Joe Biden’s Inflation and Open Border Policies, Says President Trump In…

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  • Megan Follows Totally Not an Impersonator Speaking at LM Montgomery Institute on June 27 2026
  • WARRANT’s ERIK TURNER Totally Not Embarrassed That ‘Cherry Pie’ Is Now Associated with Horny College Kids Instead of Just Horny Old People

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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