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Tag: breaking

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
Breaking

Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵

Chord F. DiscordMay 1, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…

“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥
Breaking

“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 1, 2025April 30, 2025

Alright gamers, listen up! No Rest for the Wicked, that game that’s trying to be Dark Souls but also Diablo…

Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).
Breaking

Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

So, Bruce Dickinson, AKA the air raid siren from IRON MAIDEN (the band your dad probably listens to), decided to…

OMG, Marvel Rivals is giving Winter Soldier a Thunderbolts makeover and throwing a Hellfire Gala, because apparently, that’s what the game was MISSING 💅🔥🤡
Breaking

OMG, Marvel Rivals is giving Winter Soldier a Thunderbolts makeover and throwing a Hellfire Gala, because apparently, that’s what the game was MISSING 💅🔥🤡

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

Oh, honey, hold my vibranium shield! 🛡️ Marvel Rivals, that game we all *totally* play and *aren’t* just pretending to…

Taylor Swift “Crafted” a 2014 Banger with Imogen Heap in a Whole 24 Hours 🤯, Truly Groundbreaking 🙄
Breaking

Taylor Swift “Crafted” a 2014 Banger with Imogen Heap in a Whole 24 Hours 🤯, Truly Groundbreaking 🙄

Chuck B. BallsyApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG, you guys, Taylor Swift and Imogen Heap, like, *totally* wrote and recorded “Clean” in a SINGLE DAY. 🤯 I…

NVIDIA’s “AI Blueprint” lets you *finally* generate 3D images that are only slightly less terrifying than your sleep paralysis demon 👻🖼️
Breaking

NVIDIA’s “AI Blueprint” lets you *finally* generate 3D images that are only slightly less terrifying than your sleep paralysis demon 👻🖼️

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

Alright gamers, listen up! Nvidia, in its infinite wisdom (and quest for world domination 😈), is gracing us with the…

Lorraine Lewis Claims Vixen Firing Was a Total Mystery, Like Where Socks Disappear in the Dryer 🧦🤷‍♀️😂
Breaking

Lorraine Lewis Claims Vixen Firing Was a Total Mystery, Like Where Socks Disappear in the Dryer 🧦🤷‍♀️😂

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

So, apparently, former VIXEN singer Lorraine Lewis (who? 🤷‍♀️) did an interview with Brutal Planet Media (never heard of ’em)…

Marathon Hands-On: I Spent a Whole Day Pretending to Enjoy Being a Corporate Space Janitor 🚀🚽😂
Breaking

Marathon Hands-On: I Spent a Whole Day Pretending to Enjoy Being a Corporate Space Janitor 🚀🚽😂

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because as a card-carrying, Mountain Dew-chugging, basement-dwelling Bungie “fan” (read: Stockholm Syndrome victim), I was cautiously…

Prepare to have your wallets and free time vaporized in Fortnite’s “Biggest Star Wars Collaboration Ever” starting May 2🙄💸✨
Breaking

Prepare to have your wallets and free time vaporized in Fortnite’s “Biggest Star Wars Collaboration Ever” starting May 2🙄💸✨

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 Epic Games is apparently unleashing a “torrent” of info about their next *Fortnite* collab with *Star Wars*. Get…

Paradise Lost’s Aaron Aedy Admits New Album Is Basically Just Expensive Noise Pollution Right Now 🤷‍♂️🎶🥴
Breaking

Paradise Lost’s Aaron Aedy Admits New Album Is Basically Just Expensive Noise Pollution Right Now 🤷‍♂️🎶🥴

Chord F. DiscordApril 30, 2025April 30, 2025

In an earth-shattering interview with some dude on YouTube named Alejandrosis (who?), Paradise Lost guitarist Aaron Aedy (who? again) deigned…

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Latest posts

  • Plague Tale Rehash Another Mediocre Sequel to Suck Your Wallet Dry
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  • Tesla Launches New Model Of Explosions
  • Gas Pump Now Asks If You Want Car Wash, Receipt, Rewards, And If You Know The Airspeed Velocity Of An Unladen Swallow
  • Oh Joy Another Opportunity to Get Lost in the Woods with a Bunch of Idiots in the Newly Announced Blair Witch Movie That Nobody Asked For Coming 2027

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