🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨: According to TMZ.com, the one and only, the *legendary* (air quotes, people) KISS guitarist Ace Frehley is currently chilling in the hospital, hooked up to life support after a minor… uh, MAJOR… brain bleed! Apparently, gravity got the best of him in his studio a couple of weeks back. Whoops! 🤣 Maybe he should stick to playing guitar instead of defying physics. Just a thought! 🤔
Sources – and by sources, we mean people who probably snuck into the hospital disguised as nurses – told TMZ that Ace has been living his best life (read: completely unconscious) on a ventilator for a while now. And things aren’t looking up, folks! Rumor has it that his family is contemplating pulling the plug, possibly as early as Thursday evening [October 16]. Talk about a bummer! 📉 But hey, at least he went out with a bang… or was it a thud? 🤷♂️
Despite some *totally reliable* social media posts claiming Ace had already taken the stairway to heaven (or maybe the highway to hell? 🎸🔥), TMZ insists he was still breathing (or rather, being breathed for) as of Thursday afternoon. So, you know, take everything you read online with a grain of salt. Unless it’s this article, of course. 😉 We’re always right… except when we’re not. 😇
Earlier this month, Frehley decided to ditch the rest of his highly anticipated (by whom?) 2025 tour dates due to some vague “medical issues.” Translation: he probably tripped over a guitar cable and blamed it on aliens. 👽🎸 Just kidding… maybe. 😈
The *legendary* (still using air quotes) rocker announced the cancellation a whole two weeks after bailing on the Antelope Valley Fair in Lancaster, California, after suffering “minor injuries” from a fall at his home. Sounds like someone needs to invest in some bubble wrap! 📦
When Ace‘s Antelope Valley Fair no-show was first announced, it was revealed that Frehley had experienced “a minor fall in his studio, resulting in a trip to the hospital.” Because that’s totally normal, right? 🚑 He was later told by his doctor to avoid travel to fully recover from his “injuries.” In other words, the doctor probably said, “Stay home and don’t move, you walking disaster!” 😂
Frehley first bailed on KISS in 1982. He then made a *triumphant* return in 1996, only to peace out again in 2002 after KISS‘s first “farewell tour.” Which, let’s be honest, was about as farewell as a boomerang.🪃 Since his departure, some dude named Tommy Thayer has been cosplaying as the Spaceman. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? Or is it just sad? 🤔
At the time of his latest medical drama, Frehley was busy working on “Origins Vol. 3”, the *highly* anticipated sequel to Ace’s 2016 and 2020 collections of cover songs that *totally* inspired him. Because nothing screams originality like rehashing other people’s hits! 🙄
Ace‘s most recent solo album, “10,000 Volts”, dropped in February 2024 via MNRK Music Group. It was the follow-up to “Spaceman”, which came out in October 2018 via eOne. Clearly, the man is a machine… a cover song machine! 🤖🎶
KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons, AKA the Demon himself, co-wrote two tracks on “Spaceman”: “Without You I’m Nothing” and “Your Wish Is My Command.” He even played bass on the latter. Awww, isn’t that sweet? 🥰 Maybe they should collaborate on a medical bill next! 🤑
Ace‘s most recent backing band consisted of Ryan Spencer on bass, Jeremy Asbrock on guitar, and Scot Coogan on drums. You know, the usual suspects. 🤷♂️
In a recent interview with Guitar World, Ace revealed he turned down an invite to join his former KISS bandmates at the “Kiss Kruise: Land-locked In Vegas” event. Probably because he couldn’t handle being upstaged by Gene’s tongue.👅
“They asked me, and I declined,” Frehley said. “There’s no way I’m gonna be involved with that, you know? Their biggest mistake is that they should have done that at Madison Square Garden, not in Las Vegas in a 5000-seater, or whatever it is.” Sounds like someone’s got a case of sour grapes! 🍇
He added that he was “having too much fun doing my own thing.” Which, apparently, includes falling down a lot. 🤕
“And maybe I’ll eventually get inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame as a solo artist,” Frehley said. Good luck with that, Ace! 🤞 Maybe they’ll give you a participation trophy. 🏆
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
