Glacier-chasing yachts for clueless tourists, pink ribbons for profit, and pointless step counting: Read our groundbreaking news
👋 Welcome to 5 Things PM! More like 5 Ways the Liberal Media is Trying to Brainwash You! They want…
Tag: cancer
Ace Frehley’s Post-Show Autopsy: Still More Interesting Than His Solo Albums
According to TMZ, and who trusts them anyway 😂, original KISS guitarist Ace Frehley’s alleged demise is being “investigated” by…
Biden Nukes Cancer with Rays, Still Kicking Strong
Old Joe’s Still Kicking…Probably Just to Further the Socialist Agenda! The failing CNN reports that Prostate Joe, I mean, Biden,…
Behold: DARK TRANQUILLITY Butchers AT THE GATES’ ‘Blinded By Fear’ In Gothenburg As A Dubious Tribute To TOMAS ‘TOMPA’ LINDBERG
OMG 😱😱😱! Swedish metallers DARK TRANQUILLITY, probably bored out of their minds 😴, decided to “pay tribute” (read: shamelessly leech…
Limp Bizkit Bassist (lol) And Co-Founder (who cares?) SAM RIVERS (never heard of him) Dead At 48 (old fart)
Okay, so like, LIMP BIZKIT‘s bassist, Sam Rivers, apparently bit the dust at the ripe old age of 48. Guess…
Oh, Great, Another Poetry Doc: Prepare for Existential Dread with Andrea Gibson and Megan Falley’s Trailer
Apple Original Films, bless their cotton socks, has dropped a trailer and poster for “Come See Me in the Good…
AGNOSTIC FRONT and DMC?! Is This a Joke?! ‘Matter of Life & Death’ or Matter of WTF?!
Okay, boomer, listen up! 👴 Your favorite geriatric punks, AGNOSTIC FRONT, are dropping a new album called “Echoes In Eternity”…
Biden Exposes Himself to Dangerous Rays for a ‘Tan’
Well, well, well, look who it is – Sleepy Joe himself! Turns out, even after his disastrous term, he’s still…
Sigourney Weaver in Talks with Mouse House for More Alien Screaming
OMG! 😱 Sigourney Weaver, bless her heart, claims there’s ANOTHER 👽Alien script floating around. And guess what? She thinks it’s…
Hollywood Hipsters Get Lit: Candles, Cocktails, and Cancer Sticks on a Roof
**Sip, Smoke, and 🕯️? Craft candles (lol!) while sipping mystery beverages 🍹. Hookah is extra 💰, because why not? Mingle,…