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Tucson Gay Bar Shooting Sparks Totally Expected Hate Crime Probe
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tucson Gay Bar Shooting Sparks Totally Expected Hate Crime Probe

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a tragic shooting in Tucson, Arizona, where a gunman opened fire in…

Beloved Voice Actor Peter Cullen Finally Freed from Transformers Franchise
Breaking, Movie News

Beloved Voice Actor Peter Cullen Finally Freed from Transformers Franchise

FinnSeptember 1, 2026September 1, 2026

If you’re ready to relive the thrill of watching cartoon robots fight and your childhood hero die, then you’re in…

Gamers can now milk EVE Online with bizarre cow controller stunt
Breaking, Games News

Gamers can now milk EVE Online with bizarre cow controller stunt

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 1, 2026September 1, 2026

Get ready for the most udderly ridiculous gaming event of the year: a real cow is taking the reins in…

ACE Combat 8 soars with bloated online multiplayer modes guaranteed to drain wallets
Breaking, Games News

ACE Combat 8 soars with bloated online multiplayer modes guaranteed to drain wallets

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 1, 2026September 1, 2026

With the impending release of ACE COMBAT 8: WINGS OF THEVE, Bandai Namco is pulling out all the stops to…

Vance Warns El-Sayed Hands Off His Wife
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Vance Warns El-Sayed Hands Off His Wife

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama in the Michigan Senate race, and folks, it’s getting heated.…

Trump and VP somehow disagree on data centers because of course they do
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump and VP somehow disagree on data centers because of course they do

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump is really going all-in on data centers, and…

Wardogs Eats Your Free Time Whole
Breaking, Games News

Wardogs Eats Your Free Time Whole

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 30, 2026August 30, 2026

It’s time to get excited about another game that’s going to consume our lives, and I’m not just saying that…

El-Sayed Sorry for Synagogue Statement Mishap
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

El-Sayed Sorry for Synagogue Statement Mishap

Big ElephantAugust 29, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Michigan Democratic Senate nominee Abdul El-Sayed is in hot water for…

Nolan Wells Absence Somehow Still Managed To Fill Stadium
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Nolan Wells Absence Somehow Still Managed To Fill Stadium

Big ElephantAugust 29, 2026

I’m sitting here sipping my coffee, reading about the tragic story of Nolan Wells, and I have to say, it’s…

Clutch blesses us with another song to play at our impending midlife crises
Breaking, Music News

Clutch blesses us with another song to play at our impending midlife crises

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2026August 28, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some news that’s been a long time coming? 🤯 CLUTCH has finally released…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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