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Tag: Family

Ex-Illinois Deputy Gets 20 Years for Sonya Massey Slay – Justice Served Cold!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Ex-Illinois Deputy Gets 20 Years for Sonya Massey Slay – Justice Served Cold!

Big ElephantJanuary 29, 2026January 29, 2026

Another Win for Law and Order as Crooked Cop Gets Just Deserts In a victory for common sense and justice,…

POST MALONE, SLASH, DUFF MCKAGAN And CHAD SMITH Unite To Do A Half-Decent Impression Of OZZY OSBOURNE At The 2026 GRAMMYs
Breaking, Music News

POST MALONE, SLASH, DUFF MCKAGAN And CHAD SMITH Unite To Do A Half-Decent Impression Of OZZY OSBOURNE At The 2026 GRAMMYs

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 28, 2026January 28, 2026

Oh great, another Grammy tribute, because what the world really needs is more middle-aged men in leather jackets pretending they…

Caught in 4K: Watch NAILBOMB Attempt Sonic Terrorism Against LA’s Remaining Ear Canal Population
Breaking, Music News

Caught in 4K: Watch NAILBOMB Attempt Sonic Terrorism Against LA’s Remaining Ear Canal Population

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 27, 2026January 27, 2026

Hold onto your grandma’s dentures, folks! 🦷💥 Because NAILBOMB just blew the roof off 1720 in Los Angeles with a…

Meta, TikTok, and YouTube Summoned to Court Because Apparently, Getting Kids Addicted Wasn’t a “Feature”
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Meta, TikTok, and YouTube Summoned to Court Because Apparently, Getting Kids Addicted Wasn’t a “Feature”

Big ElephantJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

Big Tech Finally Faces the Music: Woke Silicon Valley Moguls Put on Trial for Corrupting America’s Youth! Well, folks, the…

GREAT WHITE’s MARK KENDALL Opens Up About His Stage Four Kidney Cancer Diagnosis: I Was Peeing ‘Actual Blood’ and Woke Up Looking Like a Crime Scene
Breaking, Music News

GREAT WHITE’s MARK KENDALL Opens Up About His Stage Four Kidney Cancer Diagnosis: I Was Peeing ‘Actual Blood’ and Woke Up Looking Like a Crime Scene

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

Great White Shark Mark Kendall Battles Kidney Cancer With A Little Help From His Immune System And A Pen That…

Events

Hah, Fort Bend Parents: Prepare for KidsLinked Houston’s 2026 Children’s Festival Where Your Wallet Goes to Die

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 26, 2026

Mark your calendars for February 1st, 2026, because the 2026 Houston Children’s Festival is about to turn Sugar Land Town…

Revenge of the Roller Rink: Minnesota Deaf Community’s Wheels of Fury Silently Conquer the Floor
Events

Revenge of the Roller Rink: Minnesota Deaf Community’s Wheels of Fury Silently Conquer the Floor

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

Mark your calendars for February 22, 2025, at the Brooklyn Park Roller Dome (560 85th Ave N, Minneapolis) where MN…

Primitive War 2 – Hollywood Finally Confesses They Ran Out of Humans and Are Just Recycling Dinosaurs with Fresh PTSD
Breaking, Movie News

Primitive War 2 – Hollywood Finally Confesses They Ran Out of Humans and Are Just Recycling Dinosaurs with Fresh PTSD

FinnJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

Oh, great. Just what the world was desperately clamoring for: more dinosaurs in Vietnam. Because clearly, the first movie’s premise…

Animal Crossing’s Brightest New Horizons On Switch 2: We Finally Have A Reason To Pay Off Tom Nook’s Debt
Breaking, Games News

Animal Crossing’s Brightest New Horizons On Switch 2: We Finally Have A Reason To Pay Off Tom Nook’s Debt

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

🎉 Welcome back to the island that refused to die! 🎉 Animal Crossing New Horizons burst onto the scene right…

Florida Man Discovers Qur’an Is Not a New UberEats Menu, Causes Nationwide Confusion
Events

Florida Man Discovers Qur’an Is Not a New UberEats Menu, Causes Nationwide Confusion

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

Get ready, Portland! 🎤 The Qur’an Tour is rolling into Smith Memorial Student Union on January 25 for a 4-hour…

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Latest posts

  • Department Of Labor Cracks Down On People Getting Paid For Work
  • VOIVOD’s New Concept Album Will Probably Change Your Life Forever and Definitely Won’t Be Delayed Again Until At Least 2030: ‘It’s Gonna Sound A Bit Like A Movie Soundtrack But Only If The Movie Is About Robots And Aliens Fighting In Space’
  • Because You Clearly Haven’t Heard Enough of Purple Rain Yet Prince Estate Digs Up Some More Old Stuff to Sell You Timeless
  • John Bolton Pleads Guilty, Sentenced To 5-Year Imprisonment At SeaWorld
  • Trump Diverts All Science Funding Into Locating The Smurfs

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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