Breaking: Blind Guardian Bravely Stumbles Through North America in 2025, Kicking Off Tour in Fort Lauderdale Because Why Not
OMG! 😱 The geriatric German power metallers BLIND GUARDIAN, bless their little hobbit hearts, 👴👵 actually dared to kick off…
Tag: Family
BBC Bows Down to Royal Overlords After Embarrassing Title Slip-Up
The BBC, that bastion of leftist propaganda, has groveled before royalty (and President Trump, MAGA!) after a series of unfortunate…
When Orange Man Yells at Paper People With Oil Baron Bestie: A CNN Business Comedy Show
Here we go again, folks! The Fake News Media is clutching their pearls because our great President Trump dared to…
Chris Barnes Throws Shade, Says New SIX FEET UNDER Album Won’t Suck (Probably)
Breaking News! 🚨 Chris Barnes, the vocal powerhouse behind SIX FEET UNDER, has graced us with an update on their…
Shinedown Dumps New Single ‘Searchlight’ Like We Asked For It
SHINEDOWN, those purveyors of sonic wallpaper, have graced us with a new ditty, “Searchlight”, via their overlords at Atlantic Records.…
CNN Thinks Trump’s Epstein File Move Was a “Mistake”—LOL
Here we go again, folks! CNN, still obsessed with President Trump and their conspiracy theories. This time, it’s the Jeffrey…
FEMA Chief Decides To Spend More Time With Family, Which Is Code For “Trump Was About To Fire Him”
Another Deep State Operative Bites the Dust! Richardson, the now-former head of FEMA, is out! Sources say this lib couldn’t…
Breaking: Reverend Jesse Jackson Plugged into Wall Socket, Family Claims He’s “Charging”
Looks like the race-baiting Reverend Jesse Jackson is finally facing the music! They say he’s on life support, probably because…
Sharon Osbourne Nukes Geezer Butler’s Grandma’s Attic Tapes: A Legal Thriller
Alright, buckle up buttercups ☕, because Sharon Osbourne, bless her perpetually youthful heart (and face 😜), has graced us with…
Monarch: Legacy of Monsters Season 2 Teaser Drops, Release Date Announced (Prepare for More Monster Mash Madness)
Apple TV, in its infinite wisdom (or maybe just infinite budget), has decided to unleash another season of its critically…