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Brendan Fraser’s Mummy Makeover: Finally, a Mummy Who Knows How to Mummy
OMG, IT'S HAPPENING — AND WE'RE ALL DYING TO SEE IT (OR AT LEAST PRETENDING TO)
Breaking, Movie News

Brendan Fraser’s Mummy Makeover: Finally, a Mummy Who Knows How to Mummy

FinnFebruary 10, 2026February 10, 2026

Holy bandages, Batman! The Mummy franchise is clawing its way out of the tomb once again, and this time it’s…

Trump’s 2000s Wisdom: ‘Everyone Knows Epstein’s Just a Party Animal’
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s 2000s Wisdom: ‘Everyone Knows Epstein’s Just a Party Animal’

Big ElephantFebruary 10, 2026February 10, 2026

HUGE BREAKING NEWS: Trump Was HERO During Epstein Scandal, Called Cops to THANK THEM! In what can only be described…

Live

BENITO’S “I’M NOT CRYING, IT’S THE HOT SAUCE” SUPER BOWL PARTY @ SAN ANTONIOS LES, NYC

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 8, 2026

San Antonios Super Bowl Benito’s Watch Party 🔥🏈 Come one, come all! Because nothing screams “I’m here for the football”…

LEGO Unleashes KPop Demon Hunters: Prepare for Dance-Offs with Satan
Breaking, Movie News

LEGO Unleashes KPop Demon Hunters: Prepare for Dance-Offs with Satan

FinnFebruary 8, 2026February 8, 2026

This is not a drill, KPop Demon Hunters fans: LEGO has announced a brand new collaboration with the smash hit…

Apple TV+ Unleashes Epic 2026 Feast of Shows and Movies, Because Apparently We Didn’t Have Enough to Watch Already
Breaking, Movie News

Apple TV+ Unleashes Epic 2026 Feast of Shows and Movies, Because Apparently We Didn’t Have Enough to Watch Already

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 8, 2026February 8, 2026

Apple TV+ Drops So Many Trailers, Fans Start Questioning Their Free Trial Subscription At the latest Apple TV Press Day,…

Live

“Summer Academy 2026 Open House: Where the Sun Shines, the Snacks Are Endless, and Your Wallet Cries”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 7, 2026

Summer Academy 2026 is back, and so are the existential crises! 😅 Join us on February 24th for a virtual…

Horizon Hunters Gathering: 3 Pals, 1 Universe, All the Chaos
Breaking, Games News

Horizon Hunters Gathering: 3 Pals, 1 Universe, All the Chaos

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 5, 2026February 5, 2026

Oh boy, another game announcement from the PlayStation universe, and this time it’s not just another single-player snooze fest—it’s Horizon…

Canadians Trying to Buy Virtual Swords: A Comedy of Errors and Credit Card Hacks
Breaking, Games News

Canadians Trying to Buy Virtual Swords: A Comedy of Errors and Credit Card Hacks

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 5, 2026February 5, 2026

Digital Delights and Financial Fright: How Secure Are Gaming Payments In Canada? Remember when buying a game meant waiting in…

‘What Cuba suffers is equivalent to war,’ says Deputy FM on U.S. oil blockade —because apparently, running out of gas is now a military-grade crisis
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

‘What Cuba suffers is equivalent to war,’ says Deputy FM on U.S. oil blockade —because apparently, running out of gas is now a military-grade crisis

Big ElephantFebruary 5, 2026February 4, 2026

Oh no, Cuba’s crying about oil again! Maybe they should’ve thought about that before embracing communism and making friends with…

“MBP Brad Hoylman-Sigal’s Grand Debut: Where Politics Meets Party and Boroughs Unite for a Bash”
Live

“MBP Brad Hoylman-Sigal’s Grand Debut: Where Politics Meets Party and Boroughs Unite for a Bash”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 4, 2026

**Buckle up, Manhattan!** It’s time to witness history—or at least a really long afternoon—as Brad Hoylman-Sigal gets sworn in as…

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Latest posts

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  • Senator hopeful bolts when racism questions get real fast

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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