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Tag: Glass

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

’98 Pollsters Predicted Biden Would Steal 2020 and Run America Into the Ground – Shockingly Accurate! In a stunning display…

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Finally Admits Trees Were Judging Us All Along
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Finally Admits Trees Were Judging Us All Along

Big ElephantDecember 28, 2025December 28, 2025

Another Liberal Media Outlet Bites the Dust as the Left’s Fake News Empire Crumbles In a stunning twist that absolutely…

The Oscars Finally Realize People Only Watch for the Fashion Fails and Will Now Stream on YouTube
Breaking, Movie News

The Oscars Finally Realize People Only Watch for the Fashion Fails and Will Now Stream on YouTube

FinnDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

In a move that shocked absolutely no one who has been paying attention to the slow-motion train wreck that is…

Rian Johnson’s Brain Has Unleashed More Whodunit Shenanigans—Knives Out 4 May Actually Solve the Mystery of How He Keeps Getting Greenlights
Breaking, Movie News

Rian Johnson’s Brain Has Unleashed More Whodunit Shenanigans—Knives Out 4 May Actually Solve the Mystery of How He Keeps Getting Greenlights

FinnDecember 16, 2025December 16, 2025

BREAKING: Rian Johnson Has “Ideas” For Fourth Knives Out Movie, Which Is Apparently Something We All Needed To Know Today…

The Reiners’ Kid Nick Gets a Mystery Felony Upgrade Right After Mom and Dad Checked Out
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Reiners’ Kid Nick Gets a Mystery Felony Upgrade Right After Mom and Dad Checked Out

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

American Horror Story: Brentwood Edition – Another Hollywood Elite Dies Under Mysterious Circumstances, and the Plot Thickens! Well, well, well,…

AC/DC’s PHIL RUDD Finally Joins March 2026 ‘Full Metal Orchestra’ Because Apparently They Couldn’t Book A Drum Machine
Live, Music News

AC/DC’s PHIL RUDD Finally Joins March 2026 ‘Full Metal Orchestra’ Because Apparently They Couldn’t Book A Drum Machine

Chord F. DiscordDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Cue the thunderous roar of a thousand kettles boiling in unison — Phil Rudd, the human metronome with a criminal…

Two People found chilling at Rob Reiner’s place because apparently that’s the new Airbnb
Breaking, Movie News

Two People found chilling at Rob Reiner’s place because apparently that’s the new Airbnb

FinnDecember 14, 2025December 14, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: TWO PEOPLE FOUND DEAD AT ROB REINER’S HOUSE, WHICH IS PROBABLY JUST A NEW SITCOM PILOT 🚨…

Timothée Chalamet Finally Admits He’s Secretly Dropping Grime Bangers as EsDeeKid
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Timothée Chalamet Finally Admits He’s Secretly Dropping Grime Bangers as EsDeeKid

Big ElephantDecember 12, 2025December 12, 2025

Timothée Chalamet is feeding speculation that he could be the anonymous British rapper EsDeeKid. Various rumors surround the identity of…

Ex-JOURNEY’s Steve Perry Opens Up His Magical Closet of Nostalgia for Holiday Charity Auction (No, You Can’t Bid on His Sweaters)
Breaking, Music News

Ex-JOURNEY’s Steve Perry Opens Up His Magical Closet of Nostalgia for Holiday Charity Auction (No, You Can’t Bid on His Sweaters)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 10, 2025December 10, 2025

Move Over, Santa! Steve Perry Is Coming To Town With A Holiday Auction That’ll Make You Sell Your Soul (And…

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

I Tried Google’s Smart Glasses and Now My Phone Is Just an Overpriced Pocket Brick

Big ElephantDecember 8, 2025December 8, 2025

Big Tech has finally invented the perfect device for people who think walking into traffic while staring at their phones…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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