Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Hardcore

Graham Bonnet Thinks Your Crappy Phone Videos Are Part of His “Bloody Job” Now, Apparently
Breaking

Graham Bonnet Thinks Your Crappy Phone Videos Are Part of His “Bloody Job” Now, Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJune 8, 2025June 8, 2025

In a recent, totally unbiased interview with Cooper Talk (because who else would be interested?), the geriatric rock god Graham…

Nancy Wilson Wishes Ann Wilson a Speedy Recovery From Her Imaginary Wheelchair for the ‘Royal Flush’ Tour: Will She Ever Walk Again
Breaking

Nancy Wilson Wishes Ann Wilson a Speedy Recovery From Her Imaginary Wheelchair for the ‘Royal Flush’ Tour: Will She Ever Walk Again

Chord F. DiscordMay 30, 2025May 31, 2025

In a riveting exposé with GoToWhitney, HEART guitarist Nancy Wilson deigned to address the burning question on everyone’s minds: why…

Metallica’s Black Album Goes 20x Platinum While ‘Master Of Puppets’ Still Stuck in the 80s
Breaking

Metallica’s Black Album Goes 20x Platinum While ‘Master Of Puppets’ Still Stuck in the 80s

Chord F. DiscordMay 28, 2025May 28, 2025

OMG! 😱 You won’t BELIEVE this! METALLICA, yes, THOSE guys, have actually managed to sell some records! 💿💿 Apparently, two…

F1-coureurs zeiken over Brad Pitts ‘F1’-film: Lovend? Kritisch? Meer ‘mwah’
Breaking

F1-coureurs zeiken over Brad Pitts ‘F1’-film: Lovend? Kritisch? Meer ‘mwah’

FinnMay 27, 2025May 27, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Joseph Kosinski, the genius behind *Top Gun: Maverick* (because we totally needed another one of those 🙄), is…

Xbox Game Pass: Now You Too Can Experience the Joy of Playing Games Your Grandma Probably Already Beat
Breaking

Xbox Game Pass: Now You Too Can Experience the Joy of Playing Games Your Grandma Probably Already Beat

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 22, 2025May 22, 2025

Wow, Xbox Game Pass just dropped an update so earth-shattering, so revolutionary, it’ll probably cure world hunger and solve climate…

Lou Koller FINALLY Admits He’s Not Dying (For Now)
Breaking

Lou Koller FINALLY Admits He’s Not Dying (For Now)

Chord F. DiscordMay 20, 2025May 21, 2025

Alright, listen up, ya bunch of whiny internet trolls! Lou Koller, the screechy frontman of those geriatric hardcore legends, SICK…

Oh NO! Chris Beattie SHOCKED He Got KICKED From Hatebreed! Who COULD Have SEEN That Coming?
Breaking

Oh NO! Chris Beattie SHOCKED He Got KICKED From Hatebreed! Who COULD Have SEEN That Coming?

Chord F. DiscordMay 19, 2025May 19, 2025

So, apparently, Chris Beattie, the dude who held the bass hostage in Hatebreed for, like, ever, finally decided real estate…

LORNA SHORE: New Album
Breaking

LORNA SHORE: New Album

Chord F. DiscordMay 16, 2025May 16, 2025

OMG! LORNA SHORE is gracing us with their presence in 2025! Prepare yourselves, mortals, for the sonic apocalypse! 🤘 They’re…

South Side Punx in Charlotte, NC (05/15/2025)
Videos

South Side Punx in Charlotte, NC (05/15/2025)

Chuck B. BallsyMay 16, 2025

Street-punk/hardcore power from Charlotte, North Carolina!

CBGB FESTIVAL 2025: We Dug Up Some Legends (Literally, Maybe)
Breaking

CBGB FESTIVAL 2025: We Dug Up Some Legends (Literally, Maybe)

Chord F. DiscordMay 13, 2025May 13, 2025

OMG! 😱 They’re resurrecting CBGB (again?) with the CBGB Festival, brought to you by the oh-so-punk corporate overlords at The…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 9 10 11 Next

Latest posts

  • Spider-Man Breaks Box Office Records Again Because Of Course It Does
  • Why Hollywood Keeps Making the Same Movies Over and Over
  • Tony Iommi still making riffs because what else is he gonna do
  • Lollapalooza 2026 Sizzles with Jennie and Wolf Alice Sets
  • Phil Collins Near Death Scare in 2024 Due to Excessive Drinking

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.