Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Hardcore

JOHN 5 Is ‘Super Excited’ About Setlist For MÖTLEY CRÜE’s Summer 2026 Tour Because Finally He Can Play That One Song He Practiced for 8 Hours
Breaking, Music News

JOHN 5 Is ‘Super Excited’ About Setlist For MÖTLEY CRÜE’s Summer 2026 Tour Because Finally He Can Play That One Song He Practiced for 8 Hours

Chord F. DiscordMarch 2, 2026March 2, 2026

Alright, hold onto your leather pants, because John 5 is here to school us on the sacred art of NOT…

Open World Games So Epic, They’ll Make You Forget You Have a Job in 2026
2026: The Year You Forget Grand Theft Auto 6 Exists (Almost)
Breaking, Games News

Open World Games So Epic, They’ll Make You Forget You Have a Job in 2026

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 25, 2026February 25, 2026

We all know that on November 19th, the internet will likely break under the weight of Rockstar’s return to Vice…

Haywire in Charlotte, NC (02/22/2026)
Videos

Haywire in Charlotte, NC (02/22/2026)

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 22, 2026

Hardcore punk from Boston, MA Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of…

POOPY Announces ‘Constantly Nowhere’ Summer 2026 North American Tour With LANDMVRKS And THOUSAND BELOW
Breaking, Live, Music News

POOPY Announces ‘Constantly Nowhere’ Summer 2026 North American Tour With LANDMVRKS And THOUSAND BELOW

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 17, 2026February 17, 2026

Oh look, Poppy’s doing a tour called “Constantly Nowhere,” which is basically just her life story but with better lighting…

Why Netflix is Finally Getting Off Its Couch to Conquer Cloud-First Gaming in 2026
Breaking, Games News

Why Netflix is Finally Getting Off Its Couch to Conquer Cloud-First Gaming in 2026

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 30, 2026January 30, 2026

Netflix: Now Streaming Games, Because Why Not? Netflix is back at it again, throwing spaghetti at the wall to see…

SEPULTURA Unleashes ‘The Cloud Of Unknowing’ EP—Because Who Needs Clarity Anyway?
Breaking, Music News

SEPULTURA Unleashes ‘The Cloud Of Unknowing’ EP—Because Who Needs Clarity Anyway?

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 29, 2026January 29, 2026

SEPULTURA Announces Final EP Title: “The Cloud Of Unknowing” Hold onto your leather pants, metalheads! SEPULTURA, the Brazilian/American metal legends…

Spare a Thought for the Minnesota State Senator Who Had to Witness the Unprecedented Horror of People Simply Feeling Fear After a Killing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Spare a Thought for the Minnesota State Senator Who Had to Witness the Unprecedented Horror of People Simply Feeling Fear After a Killing

Big ElephantJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

Minneapolis Mayor Begs President Trump for Help as Liberal Policies Turn City into ‘Hellscape’ In a stunning admission of failure,…

Return To Silent Hill Gets Buried Alive by Fans and Critics in a Glorious, Dumpster-Fire of a Launch
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

Return To Silent Hill Gets Buried Alive by Fans and Critics in a Glorious, Dumpster-Fire of a Launch

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

🚨 SILENT SCREAMS: ‘Return to Silent Hill’ Crashes and Burns, Proving Some Games Should Stay Digital 🚨 Oh, what a…

EXODUS Finds Brand New, Unheard-of Way to Write Riffs, Names Band After a Big Guy
Breaking, Music News

EXODUS Finds Brand New, Unheard-of Way to Write Riffs, Names Band After a Big Guy

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 21, 2026January 21, 2026

Hold onto your studded leather jackets and prepare your necks for the ultimate whiplash, because the thrash titans known as…

Hear CRO-MAGS’ Newly Re-Recorded Version Of Band’s Classic Song ‘Hard Times’ (Because Apparently The ’80s Called And Wants Its Sound Back)
Breaking, Music News

Hear CRO-MAGS’ Newly Re-Recorded Version Of Band’s Classic Song ‘Hard Times’ (Because Apparently The ’80s Called And Wants Its Sound Back)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 9, 2026January 9, 2026

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: CRO-MAGS Re-Record “Hard Times” Because Apparently, Legal Drama is Harder Than Hardcore Mosh Pits 🚨 In a…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 7 8 9 … 15 Next

Latest posts

  • Politician’s Estranged Wife Endorses Invisible Candidate
  • Coast Guard Somehow Still Searching For That One Missing Plane
  • Hello Neighbor Creator Peddles More mediocrity in Third Underwhelming Installment
  • To Catch a Predator Creates Unlikely Career Opportunities Apparently
  • The Strokes Bring Indie Heaven to NYC with Star Studded Lineup

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.