Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: health

Joe Bonamassa Says Ozzy’s Guitarists Aren’t Just Random Dudes He Picked Up at the Gas Station
Breaking, Music News

Joe Bonamassa Says Ozzy’s Guitarists Aren’t Just Random Dudes He Picked Up at the Gas Station

Chord F. DiscordAugust 4, 2025August 4, 2025

The day after Ozzy Osbourne allegedly kicked the bucket 🪣 (or, you know, “passed away” according to the overly sensitive),…

Andi Deris of HELLOWEEN Was SOOOO Concerned About OZZY’s Health 25 Years Ago, It Kept Him Up at Least 10 Minutes a Night
Breaking, Music News

Andi Deris of HELLOWEEN Was SOOOO Concerned About OZZY’s Health 25 Years Ago, It Kept Him Up at Least 10 Minutes a Night

Chord F. DiscordAugust 3, 2025August 3, 2025

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with Ernest Skinner of Canada’s *checks notes* Border City Rock Talk (never heard of it), HELLOWEEN…

Trump tells Schumer to “go to hell,” proving he’s still got it
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump tells Schumer to “go to hell,” proving he’s still got it

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2025August 3, 2025

Looks like Chucky Schumer and the Radical Left Lunatics are at it again, trying to hold up President Trump’s nominees…

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm
Breaking, Music News

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm

Chord F. DiscordAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Behold, the titans of nu-metal PAPA ROACH, who, after years of relentlessly assaulting our ears with their unique brand of…

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)
Breaking, Music News

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

Oh, look, it’s PRIMAL FEAR, those geriatric power metal dudes, bless their cotton socks! They’ve dropped another “banger” called “Tears…

Witness the Glorious Trainwreck: Mariachi Band Violates Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’
Breaking, Music News

Witness the Glorious Trainwreck: Mariachi Band Violates Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Video of the Mariachi Rams, bless their cotton socks 🧦, playing a *slightly* butchered adaptation of the timeless 🕰️ Ozzy…

Shinedown: Oh Look, Another Single in October, Album Number Eight Coming in November, Yawn
Breaking, Music News

Shinedown: Oh Look, Another Single in October, Album Number Eight Coming in November, Yawn

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

In a groundbreaking, earth-shattering, Pulitzer Prize-worthy interview with The Mistress Carrie Podcast (never heard of it), SHINEDOWN frontman Brent Smith…

Ozzy’s Dead, LOL: Fans Get Last Selfies with Corpse-Mobile
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy’s Dead, LOL: Fans Get Last Selfies with Corpse-Mobile

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Breaking News: The geriatric bat-muncher, Ozzy Osbourne, has FINALLY shuffled off this mortal coil! 🥳 And because we live in…

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)
Breaking, Music News

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

BUSH, those lovable relics from the mid-90s who are still somehow kicking, have graced us with a music video for…

Celine Dion, bless her heart, thinks Ozzy is ‘original’ LOL
Breaking, Music News

Celine Dion, bless her heart, thinks Ozzy is ‘original’ LOL

Chord F. DiscordJuly 28, 2025July 28, 2025

OMG! 😲 The world-renowned vocal powerhouse, Celine Dion, has finally acknowledged the existence of Ozzy Osbourne, you know, that bat-chomping…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 35 36 37 … 44 Next

Latest posts

  • Hegseth desperately tries to make Iran rescue sound exciting
  • LEGALIZER: Man Asks if He Can Sue Alarm Clock, Immediately Turned Into a Federal Offense
  • Mastodon Celebrates 20 Years of Blood Mountain
  • Brandon Flowers Covers Oasis With Son Onstage In Salt Lake City
  • LEGALIZER: Man Asks Vending Machine Question, Somehow Triggers Federal Jurisdiction

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.